Of all of the pictures that we got today at Knox's ultrasound, this one I thought looked the most like Cooper (minus the circle on the cheek). This is going to be amazing. Having two boys. I never thought it would happen to me, and I am so lucky to be able to experience this. Knox...I want to let you know how much you kicked while in Wendy's stomach. Even she couldn't believe how active you were compared to Coop. Perhaps you are getting it all out now, as I can't imagine you being more active than Coop is in our world...although anything is possible.

Tonight we went to get all of our pictures taken...pictures that I'm sure that you will see for years to come. It was hard to get your brother Cooper to kiss mommy's belly, but he did ok for being one. I can't wait until I can throw the baseball with you guys.

Well, I need to go to bed. I love my family. I love you Knox. I love you Cooper. I love you Wendy. Never, ever forget...that you can do anything in life that you want.

It's important to be good to people (I learned that from Bubba).

Smile, today could be your last.

...Here is a pic of Coop sitting in his old swing (Knox will get his crack at it soon).

Crazy day yesterday. Had a hard time getting up for work. Sat in my cubicle all day, then raced home to meet Jack to fix a sink at the rental. By the time I made it back to The Nail, it was time to unload a truck-full of wood, and go to the store to pick up the tool chest that Wendy bought me. Then off to Aldi's to get salt for the water softner. This was the best part of my day, because I got to hang out with Coop, and my old man.

After putting Coop to bed, Tomstang and I got to have a few beers. Good to talk with him. He reminded me of how fast life goes. "One day you'll wake up and your 60.", he said with his eybrows raised in amazement. We talked for a while about the uncertain future, and he reassured me that no matter what happens, Coop and Knox will be well taken care of. This made me smile, and feel a sense of warmth that a cannot describe. I am proud to have a father like him. He understands what is truly important in life.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I have always had a hard time expressing myself. I find it time consuming and frankly exhausting to tell someone else what I am feeling. And even though I struggle with this, I am usually never at a loss for words. Right now, I am not sure how to feel. A little on edge.

Here is the situation: I had a CT scan last week. She called the doctor's office, and although I had an appointment on Thursday, they want to see me today. I am scared. A while back, they found a nodule in my right lung. And although they would not call it cancer, they reassured me that it was not a huge concern, (although still a concern) and that we would watch it. Well, when Wendy called, they told her that there was some change, but they wouldn't tell her anything more. So, here I sit...at work, watching the clock.

When I found out that they want to see me today, I went for a walk. Down through Lock 3 to watch the ducks. I sat there for a while, praying. My head was filled with "What if" type of questions, all of which I know you can't do to yourself, but it is just the human reponse.

Let me ask this question, what would you do if someone told you that you had cancer?

What if they told you that you were a coin flip to survive?

How would your life change?

What would you do differently?

I've struggled with these questions for some time now. And really, I don't come up with much. You see, we all just have a limited time here, and it's really about getting the most out of each day. I thought long and hard about the things that I want out of my life...to watch my sons grow up, to take care of my family, and eveything else that I come up with is either very selfish, or really not all that meaningful. Knox is coming along in a few short weeks. I need to be here for the long haul.

I think that I need to take time this week to visit my brother. This is important to me.

Smile...today could be your last.

I really, really miss my brother today.

...Smile today could be your last.