I get so tired of reading pointless articles on the internet. It is more evident than ever that the world revolves around money. So, here is my article on the swine flu.

7 things to do (or not to do) to avoid getting the swine flu.

1) Don't lick the bottom of anyone's shoes...If you do this, you may pick up some of the bacteria that has been going around. For instance, sometimes people pee and miss in the men's room at the urinal. Someone has stepped in this, so be careful not to lick the bottom of shoes. It's not good. If you happen to lick the bottom of someone's shoe, see step 2.
2) Don't drink till you pass out...You may not sleep well. This lack of quality sleep, coupled with the weakening of your immune system, could result in the ineffectiveness of the body's natural defense systems. So, until further notice, drink a lot, but not until you pass out. If you think you have been infected with the Swine Flu, I would recommend 6-8 shots of Jim Beam nightly, for at least 2 months. The alcohol will help to kill off any bacteria floating around in your system. Be careful though, as you don't want to over-do it. When you start to see two bartenders you have effectively killed the H1N1 virus.
3) Avoid watching Cleveland Browns football...This will just make you angry and therefore more susceptible to infection. The angrier you are, the more susceptible you become. If you happen to watch a Cleveland Browns football game, you may want to drink the 6-8 shots of Jim Beam. It will help you deal with the reality of the Browns ineptness.
4) Wash your hands after you poop...You should wash your hands often and thoroughly. Recently, at a Bob Evans in Marietta Oh., I saw a sign that said you should sing Old McDonald while you wash your hands. Interesting tactic. The people at Bob Evans should be proud. What would Jerry Seinfeld's say here: "Who are these people at Bob Evans that need to be reminded to wash their hands?"
5) Try exercising...While you might not like it at first (it's much more fun to drink till you pass out), you may find this to be enjoyable after a while. In addition, you will find that your immune system will deal with you licking the bottoms of shoes much better. If you happen to watch a Cleveland Browns football game, you can take your anger out on the dumbells. Throw in a couple of shots of Jim Beam, and you will find stregth that you didn't know you had.
6) Don't cough or sneeze on other people...Sometimes we can't help but sneeze or cough on your neighbor. Try to avoid this. It will help if you cover your mouth, or sneeze into the crook of your elbow. This is a best practice, and should be followed. Bodily fluids are a personal thing and should be contained to the individual that they came from. If you are exposed to someone's bodily fluids, you may want to wash your face with bleach, and then take down a couple of shots of Jim Beam.
7) Stay home if you feel ill...If you feel like you are starting to get sick, stay home from work. Do not panic, it is perhaps not the Swine Flu, but could be something else, such as lack of motivation. Immediately crack open a bottle of Jim Beam to help kill whatever it is that ails you. You will feel better soon.

If you follow these steps, you are well on your way to preventing the Swine Flu from infecting you and your family. If you don't feel like you are getting sick, you may want to crack open a bottle of Jim Beam anyway, because avoiding the Swine Flu is a lifestyle.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I hate people that spend their lives bitching and moaning and complaining about things. But today, I am super pissed off at Major League Baseball. And since this is really my only outlet, I'm going to let it fly:


You've got to be fucking kidding me about baseball and Bud Selig. I did a little bit of homework on Mr. Selig, because I wanted to get my facts straight before I ranted. Let it be known that you Mr. Bed Selig were heart-broken when your beloved baseball team moved out of Milwaukee. So much so, that you started a company; Teams Inc., so that baseball teams could not move to a larger market, where there was more revenue to be made.

News flash Bud Selig...the same thing is happening today. Only it's not the teams that are moving, it's the players.

What good is having a farm system, and bringing up talent in a small market, only to have them go to another large market team after they reach star status? You need to re-think this, before you lose more fans, and control of baseball. You need to remember that there are loyal fans around the country, and not just in New York, or Los Angeles. How are teams like the Indians or the Orioles supposed to compete with $200 million dollar payrolls? What a joke!

Ask yourself this question Mr. Selig: What will your biggest moment be? Steroids in baseball? Implementing a wild-card (which I am in favor of)? Changing what the outcome of the all-star game means (which sucks!). Right now, you will be remembered for doing nothing of importance. Nothing with real back-bone.

The fans urge you Mr. Selig, to do something meaningful with the game of baseball, before it's too late. I am sick to my stomach watching talented Cleveland Indians players depart, because it is the only way that small market teams can compete. Would Cleveland still have Manny Ramirez and Jim Thome?...and just how good would the Indians be if they could have kept Victor Martinez, Cliff Lee, CC Sabathia, Manny Ramirez, and Jim Thome?

Both CC Sabathia, and Cliff Lee pitched last night for their new teams. CC Sabathia pitched 7 strong innings...Cliff Lee pitched a 6 hitter...both got the win for their teams. Martinez plays tonight for Boston. It would be a pretty safe bet to say that one of these players will hoist the trophy when October's over. What complete Bullshit. I hate the system, and now I am starting to hate you Selig, because you are not doing anything about it.
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THIS NOW!

Baseball is beautiful. Especially October baseball. Trying to anticipate what is going to happen next. Re-thinking specific situations, where after every pitch some variable is different. It is the purest game in the world. But it is being tarnished by big market baseball, and it has to come to a breaking point. Right now, baseball payrolls are totally out of control. Take a look at the following payroll analysis and make up your own mind.
The top 10 payrolls in baseball for the 2009 season:
Yankees: $201 million
Mets: $135
Cubs: $135
Red Sox: $122
Tigers: $115
Angles: $113
Phillies: $113
Astros: $102
Dodgers; $100
Mariners: $98
Bottom 10 payrolls in baseball for the 2009 season:

Reds: $70 million
Royals: $70
Rangers: $68
Orioles: $67
Twins: $65
Rays: $62
A's: $62
Nationals: $59
Pirates: $48
Padres: $42
Marlins: $36

If one doesn't see the correlation between payroll and quality of baseball, then perhaps you are a mental midget. All the good players go to the big market teams, single-handedly destroying baseball.

Of the top 10 teams based on payroll, five of ten teams made the playoffs (and one had a one game play-off as the Tigers lost to the Twins).

Of the bottom 10 teams based on payroll, one out of ten teams made the playoffs (Twins in the one game playoff).

See a pattern here. Money does indeed dictate winning over the course of a 162 game season. Does money guarantee a World Series ring? No. Does it help give you a better shot? Absolutely.
As we have seen in the past, there are teams now and again that fall in the bottom third of the payroll category, and come close to winning it all (such as last year's Devil Rays). But on a grand scale this is the exception, not the rule.

It is not too late to put the change in place now that we need to ensure that our children's children will grow up with competitive baseball. Our beloved American past-time is being corrupted by greed and outrageous out of control spending. You have to make this game fair across the board, and there is only one way to do this. You have to cap salaries Mr. Selig.
Cliff Lee, Victor Martinez, and Manny Ramirez belong in Cleveland. Mark Texiera belongs in Texas. Matt Holliday belongs in Colorado. Jason Bay belongs in Pittsburgh.

Over time, I think you will see the popularity and ratings of baseball withering away.

But until baseball and Bud Selig "grows a set" and stands up for what is right- I'm tuning out this October, and you can take that to the bank Selig and Steinbrenner.