"There is the way things should be, and then there are the way they are." Not the prettiest saying in the world, but very true. I told that to Wendy today. She cried. I am too numb to cry. I really never cried much. I just think that there is something bigger than all of us really going on.

Got up today and met with Dave Waller, Wendy and Chuck. Went over the menu for the Nail. Talked about what changes we wanted to make and how to maximize profits.

Then went to go help Sandy move. I have been trying to get over there for a couple of weeks, but it has been tough with the holidays, and the kids, and the job(s).

On the way back, Jack (who was also helping Sandy move) got a flat tire on the trailer. I came back to the Nail, and unloaded Sandy's stuff. Got a phone call from Wendy that the snow plow (a '92 Suburban) wasn't running right. Guy that DB knows is out fixing it right now.

Shelby, and her kids (Sammy and Amelia) came over tonight. They all exchanged presents for a while. Good to see Cooper interact with other kids. He is a little rough right now though, and does not know his own strength (look out Knox).

Hmmmm...What else? Oh yeah...

Wendy said to me..."I need to show you something in the banquet hall." We went out into the office. She told me that Dr. Payne called her back, and told her that the nodules in my lung are indeed cancer.

I love you Coop...



I love you Knox...


Smile...today could be your last.

Life can be scary. Went to see Dr. Payne today (best Oncologisgt ever), and she told me that they found a new lung nodule. That makes three now. Nobody seems to be sure what the hell is going on with that. She said it doesn't appear to be cancer, but scheduled a CT lung biopsy to be sure. I have follow-up appointments with Dr. Payne and Dr. Kretchmer in January.

I hate to be negative, but I get the feeling like my body just doesn't want to be here. I do not know the best thing to do. Working out, eating right, and getting enough sleep didn't seem to do much for me. So, perhaps I should just eat what I want, do what I want, and not worry about it. The older I live through this thing, that's my attitude more and more. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Life and death issues, life and death. Well, I guess you haven't lived until you get told by the doctor that you are a coin flip to survive. Pretty eye opening: sobering to say the least. Dr. Payne told me that I was now three years out. That's encouraging. Minus these lung nodules, I suppose life is good.

I have Cooperman, and Mr. Knox, and the best wife ever. She puts up with my laziness. She puts up with my nonchelant attitude. She keeps me sane and makes me insane at the same time (now that's love). Honestly, to you Wendy- You are the best. And whether I am sick or healthy, a couldn't be prouder to be your husband. Keep loving, keep listening, and keep your head up. Life moves quick, but Wendy moves quicker. You can never tell Wendy "you can't do that". And that my friend, is what makes her special. She finds a way to get things done. She is by all accounts, a "doer". Wendy has a gorgeous personality...and she is gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?



Look at how beautiful you are.

*Note the hand on the boob. I get the last laugh...lol.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Been a while...My apologies first to Knox. I already know what you are thinking..."What my birth doesn't rate high enough on your list of things going on to warrant a blog post?" In fact, it is just the opposite. I have been trying to get here and do this for so long, it has just been difficult. Not sleeping, not eating right, playing catch up everywhere...it takes it's toll. Sorry Knox... Anyway, your birth was such a success. It was amazing. I wasn't sure how it would feel compared with Coop. But it was just as amazing the second time around. I can remember standing there when they were weighing you, looking at Wendy. We just simply smiled at each other. It was one of those little moments in life where no words were necessary. We could have tried to say something, but it wouldn't have mattered. Because there are no words that could possibly express the amount of happiness that we both felt at that moment in the delivery room. You (and Coop) are the most precious thing in our lives. Here is a video of the first moment that you met your big brother. It still makes me feel (I can't find the right adjective)...amazing.



Also wanted to add a couple of other things...This song reminds me of you Knox. It is the most beautiful song that I have heard in a long time. Much like when you came along. (The Commander Thinks Aloud written by John Roderick of The Long Winters- Note: You may have to view in Firefox.)
I think that this song is about the space shuttle Columbia. Still it reminds me of everything that is good in life. Trying your best. Believing in yourself. Seeing the bigger picture. Being yourself. Reaching for the sun. Not giving up, no matter what. It also reminds me of how fragile life is. You can do powerful things with your energy, your time, your effort. Be wise.

...Smile, today could be your last.