Been trying to stay active...even when I am tired. So, I am alone it is 1:36 AM, and I decided to clean the house. Cleaned the garage earlier, so I felt pretty good about not being lazy today. Anyway, while I was cleaning, I hung up a few jackets.

One I did not recognize other than it says, "Killarney" on it; it is black and smells like smoke. I am guessing it is Babsie's, as I am pretty sure that Wendy has not been to Southwest Ireland.

The second jacket was a black hoodie which had stains on it (Cooper gets into everything). He helped me clean up the garage this afternoon. Coop and I also went for a ride in the Suburban tonight. With him on my lap, I didn't realize that he had turned the headlights on...needless to say, I have a dead battery now. Stupid as this sounds, it still makes me smile.

The third jacket was an even smaller hoodie. As I hung it on top of Cooper's on the coat rack, it looked like something that you would put on a stuffed animal. Just extremely small.

As I hung the last jacket, I felt this huge wave of love come over me. It was a feeling that only unconditional love allows.

So tonight I have a dead car battery, and I got to pick up after the boys.

...I loved every minute of it.

Smile, today could be your last.

I can't help but wonder if I didn't have cancer, would anybody read this? I mean, it's pretty cool when people that I hardly know have told me, "I read your blog". But as someone with a disease that so many of us find intriguing, it is just a thought that popped into my head. Probably me over-thinking things again.

I guess sometimes I just wonder what motivates people to do what they do. I mean, I had someone tell me the other day that I was his hero. I'm nobody's hero (except hopefully to Coop and Knox someday- after I have earned it). I'm just some young guy whom cancer chose to slap in the face. You don't get a choice. You see-to me, that is not a real hero...A real hero is someone that stands up for what they believe in in the face of adversity. Or someone that saves a 10-year-old girl from a burning house. Or someone who pulls two unconscious college kids from a car after they have been in a terrible accident. These are real heroes. Save that title for someone who makes a choice to do the right and tough thing in a difficult situation. I will keep an eye out for a situation that might make me a hero. If it happens, I will be sure to post it here for you to read.

Maybe the headlines will read: Cancer Patient Saves Baby; Hero Blogs About It."

Lesson for Coop and Knox: Always have good intentions. That alone makes you a hero to me.

Last Sunday, the family threw Grandpa Thomas Colicchio party up in Kirtland at Dino's (Bubba worked there for a while). It was a great time, and good to see a lot of the family that I have not seen for months. Grandpa is a feisty old man, and that is what I love about him.

This past Sunday, Wendy, Kristen, Ky and Kade,Coop and Knox and I went to Hale Farm. It was well...just ok. I really don't have a desire to go back, or to recommend to anyone. It is an absolutely beautiful property, but I think perhaps we went during a bad time of the year, because of the seemingly dozens of structures that we walked to, none were open. So, we walked around from locked building to locked building only to cup our eyes with our hands and try to peek in the windows. It was still very nice to be outdoors with the boys and the nephews, and despite the locked buildings, we still had a nice time. Here is Coop and one of the locked houses...


...Because I want to be a Cowboy, Baby...


...Mr. Knox enjoying the day.
On the way out, we saw these horses and decided to pull over to get closer. I was going to stay in the car with Mr. Knox and Ky and Kade, but I noticed Wendy and Kristen trying to toss Cooper over the creek to one another. I jumped out of the car, and said, "Why don't you walk around." So I took Coop and then thought, "I can make that jump." As I jumped over the creek, I slipped and fell down with Cooper in my arms. We landed in some hay and he scratched his face (not as nimble as I used to be). I still feel bad, so when you are old enough to read this Coop, "I'm sorry".



Smile, today could be your last.

This is a video that I took in the car of Coop dancin' on the way to Kalihari. We ended up taking Kade with us, and for the most part, he made me proud of the way he handled Coop all week. He was very patient and played with him nicely. It was great to hang with Kade...he most definately wore me out on many of the water slides. It was just such a great time to get the family in the car and take a two day hiatus. We did so many things, and created so many memories in such a short period of time. We went to the petting zoo and saw goats, an ostrich, a white buffalo, and even a zebra. Coop had a great time feeding all of the animals. Wendy and Coop even did a limbo contest at the restaurant we were at. When Wendy knocked down the bar, Cooper said, "Mommy broke it."...Too funny. We told him that Jack would fix it. In addition to those things, we spent the rest of our time at the water park and in the arcade. Kade loved the arcade...what kid wouldn't? Coop really took to the water after a while, and ended up laughing each time that he went down the water slides. It was just a really nice time. Yesterday, I hand wrote Cheryl and Jeff a letter thanking them for sending us. Super cool of them; and very thoughtful. It was because of their generosity that Wendy, Coop, Kade and I got to relax for a couple days. Can't say "thank you" enough.

Smile, as today could be your last.

Here is a pic from Mr.Knox's baptism...

Life has been pretty good over the last couple of days. I find myself really gravitating towards cooking for some reason. Don't know why, just enjoy it I guess. Friday, I made my parents chicken and rice, and Sunday, I made ribs for everyone. It was nice to sit down as a family and share a meal. Perhaps down deep, this is the real reason. Nothing screams of "Bubba Love" like a family sitting around eating a home-meal.


Tom and Virginia have really been instrumental in doing all that they can for Wendy and I. We couldn't do it with out them. They are ready to buy a house in Kent so that they can be closer to the grandkids. Talk about love...

..Kristen and Kevin bought the boys a blow up house to jump in. Coop was a little aprehensive at first, but warmed up to it quickly. I'm sure that if they don't pop it in the next few months, that they will both end up with big red lumps on their heads.

Knock it off Mr. Knox...you are too cute.

With all the problems in life, we are headed to Kalihari tomorrow morning. I am really looking forward to that (thanks Jeff Hunt and Cheryl!). It will be another chapter in my life that I will look back on and cherish always. My only regret is that Mr. Knox isn't big enough to go with us. Soon enough I guess...

Shake n' Bake Coop.
Rock n' Roll Mr. Knox.

Love you.

Smile, today could be your last.

The more that I process thoughts in my head, the more clear I am on the only thing that really matters.

To be more concise...all day long, thoughts of life and death, wills and bills, insurance and responsibilities, spin in the blender in my head. But at the end of the thought factory, a little ticket is spit out by the machine, and the words on the paper read, "Love them with everything you got."

And so Cooperman and Mr. Knox, that is what I am trying to do. If only there was a way to love you even more, because I would do it in a heartbeat. My life may be cut short, but yours will be one where you can do a great many things. Focus your attention on what matters...what is truly important. Channel your energy, pay attention, really listen, work as hard as you can, and things will fall into place for you. You both have everything going for you...a wonderful Mom, great grandparents, and hey-how many kids can say they grew up at a restaurant.

Truth is, I have every confidence that you will make Dad proud. I can see you now running late for high school homeroom, singing at a 5th grade concert, throwing snowballs with friends, crying because a girl broke your heart, making a hand turkey in 1st grade, and celebrating little league victory with ice cream stains on your jersey. All of these things bring tears to my eyes, and I would give anything to be there for all of these and more.

My body is broken, but my love for you is immortal.

...Just know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you Mr. Knox. And there is also nothing that I wouldn't do for the Cooperman.

I love you.

Smile, today could be your last.