On Tuesday night, a whole bunch of us went to the Randolph Fair. Coop really had a great time. We met Sammy, and his two kids. Just a really good time. We indulged ourselves in Americana fair food, (gyros, pizza, corndogs, sausages, fries, funnel cakes, etc.) watched the demolition derby, and walked from booth to booth as children of farmers displayed their prize animals in cages. Coop really had a good time at the demolition derby. He wanted Wendy to cover his ears the entire time (it was loud), but he certainly wasn't scared. He was a little worried that the cars were now "broken". Too cute. Here are some snapshots of our trip to the Randolph Fair:




Wednesday morning, Wendy and I got up before any of those prize roosters could crow, and headed toward the Cleveland Clinic. Hard not to be nervous before someone is about to cut out a part of your lung. I don't know about you...but not being able to breathe sort of scares me. Anyway, they got me all checked in, shaved my body, and the next thing I knew I was entering operating room #69. I smiled as they rolled me in.

When I woke up in the ICU, the first thing I remember is a couple of nurses standing over top of me saying that "we can't get his pain under control". They pump you full of all kinds of drugs, and you fade in and out of conciousness. The ICU is a little weird because it is just a bunch of people in hospital beds, seperated by curtains. You can hear what is happening to the patient next to you, and they can hear when you are in pain.

I do remember my wife and my parents stopping, but couldn't tell you what we talked about. I also remember that the lady in the room across from me had a trach in her throat, so she couldn't talk. She would continuously wave her arms, and until I figured it out, I was just waving back. The drugs made me a little rambunctions and outgoing on Thursday, and at one point, I remember saying, "I need some Obama-care over here!" Which I don't think that lady liked to much. Oh well.

On Thursday afternoon, some guy came by and pulled one of the two drain tubes from the incision site. Hurt like a mother-fucker as I bit down on a rag, while he yanked it out.

The Fever came to see me and scope out some of the nurses. We chatted for a while, but I felt bad as it was just hard for me to stay awake. They finally got me a room on Thursday evening. It was painful moving me from the ICU bed to my room bed.

Rhodes and Norm came by to see me on Friday. We laughed about the old days.

There is no getting any rest in the hospital. Thursday night...new nurse, blood draws, chest x-rays, lung specialist, pain specialist, vital signs, more blood draws, housekeeping, breathing treatments, more vital signs. Friday morning rolls around and they bring my breakfast. Nurse comes by with pain meds, they take some blood, pull out my cathader (holy shit that hurts), breathing treatment, take a walk, massage, x-ray, vital signs, and then the lady comes with my lunch and the nurse wants to know why I haven't eaten anything...ha! Wendy was a trooper and spent the night with me on a fold out bench. I'm sure she didn't sleep much either.

Tom stopped up again on Friday afternoon. Good to have a Dad like him.

Megan and Tim stopped on Friday night. Brought me a couple of movies. We laughed.

Saturday, Dr. Murthy stopped by in the morning, and told me that I could go home later that day. I streamed the Mentor High school football game on the internet, and watched the Browns 1st half on the TV. It seemed like forever before they finished up the paperwork to get me out of there.

What i really couldn't believe is that they let me walk out of there on my own feet. I was totally cool with it, but I have to admit that I was a little woozy from all of the drugs, plus the trauma to my body.

Sunday morning, I woke up and I couldn't move. I literally had to roll out of bed, and try to get up off the floor. I hope that tomorrow morning is not that bad.

And, while I am not looking forward to the 72 emails that I have to respond to, it will be good to get back into the groove of everday life. I hurt a whole lot, but pain is only temporary. Hopefully, we can put this behind us, and it will extend my life with my children. Because if it means extra time in this world with them, I would do it all again next week.

I love you Coop. I love you Knox.

Smile, today could be your last.

So, here is just one part of an article on sports commissioner's that I found on Yahoo...Just thought that this was interesting. Why would Bud Selig care about the little guy anymore? He is making $19 Mil a year. Is the world unfair and unjust or what?


Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig grabs the No. 1 spot, bringing in just under $19 million a year. Selig earned $18.35 million dollars in 2007 alone. He made $17.47 million in base compensation, $461,540 in employee benefits, and another $422,590 in expense allowances. That would be a nice haul for a player, let alone a sports commissioner. There are only 10 players in the entire sport that currently make more money than Selig.

With the labor problems, World Series cancellation and All Star Game fiasco all occurring under his watch, Bud Selig still manages to pull in a multi-million dollar salary.

How about the un-level playing field with payrolls in baseball? Forgot to mention that one.

Smile, today could be your last.

The most beautiful song I've heard in a long, long time. It makes me cry.





Smile, today could be your last.

It has really been a great couple of weeks. Last weekend we busted ass cleaning the rentals...and then I headed into the woods of PA for Delsanter's bachelor party. It was great to see the old gang. As I was driving, I took a picture of this sign that made me smile. Not an easy task driving a vehicle at 70 MPH and taking a picture with a cell phone. That can't be legal. This week absolutely flew by. Spent the entire day Tues. at the Cleveland Clinic. All kinds of pre-tests...blood, urine, EKG...etc. Other than cancer, I seem to be pretty healthy (is that ironic?...or does that just not make any sense at all?). Worked hard in the yard all day Friday...TJ and Chrissy were in town last night, so we threw them a little get-to-gether. It was a great night...weather cooperated, good food, good friends, good times. Sat around the fire, and even took a midnight swim in the pool. Just a really nice evening. Mr. Knox is starting to walk with a little help. Won't be long now. As I was putting Coop to bed on Thursday, I told him (like I do everynight) that he can do anything in the world that he wants. Of course his response back to me was..."Daddy, I want to cut the grass all day." If that is what makes you happy Coop, have at it. Love you boys. Smile, today could be your last.

Another week has flown by...
We finally got the pool running right. We've been in it a couple of times. Coop and Knox seem to like the water.

We've been working over at the rental for the last couple of days...weeding, painting, etc. Having a tough time getting the 3 bedroom apartment rented. Not sure why. It certainly isn't for lack of interest as I have literally shown the place 20 times. A little nerve-wracking, but it will work out.


Took Coop and Knox to the Cleveland zoo again on Wed. A friend from work has been wanting to take them for some time...so we finally made it happen.

Thursday was poker night.

Friday work at the rental, late dinner, bed.

Time to go paint.

Smile, today could be your last.

Some random things...

1) I find it interesting that as a society we are more consumed with what LeBron James is doing than concerning ourselves with the destruction of the Gulf waters. LeBron James is a chump. Concern yourself with things that matter.

2) Don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but the "Guided by Something" is a reference to the band Guided by Voices. By far Bubba's favorite. In fact, his 2nd or 3rd favorite band can't even be seen over the horizon. Listen to music that makes YOU happy.

3) Wanted to get a picture posted of a Brown's game that I attended with my Dad. We met some friends down at "The Pit". In order of appearance from left to right...Jeaneane, Tomstang, C. Rhodes, Vince, and Kevin. This was back in the fall(obviously). There is nothing quite like attending a football game with your old man. Spend as much time as humanly possible with those you love.

4) I have to pay $200 to renew my teacher's license. If anyone is listening...this is a complete rip-off by the State of Ohio. We over over-taxed, over fee-ed and the breaking point is near. Last year it was $60 to renew. Watch your spending, and save wisely and as early on as possible.

5) Cooper spent the day saying, "Bambuzzled". No one is sure quite where it came from, but it is funny as hell. Knox is crawling all over the place, and looks like he will be walking soon. As always, don't ever stop believing that your Dad loves you more than anything, and that Uncle Bubba is guiding everything that you do. Keep laughing...till it fucking hurts.

6) For cryin' out loud...put mustard on hotdogs, ketchup on hamburgers...anything else and you might be a communist. Always do the right thing.

7) Always wear comfortable shoes, or no shoes at all. Ever hear someone complain of how their feet are killing them?...Not if you have comfortable shoes on. Life is too short, and the vibe from everyday starts with the swagger in your step. If your "dawgs" are barking, nothing else will be right. Listen to your body.

8) Drink lots of water. It is the essence of life. Balance is everything.

9) Just keep loving. Love always wins.

10) As I'm typing this, I'm thinking, 'there doesn't have to be exactly ten things', nor does there have to be 99, or 356, or 1,783. Ten is a nice even number for David Letterman countdowns, and things of that nature, but life is much more complex, and sophisticated. So yes, what you hear me saying is that this list is very, very incomplete. There are many more things to add. I have yet to fulfill all of my dreams, and still have a long way to go on my journey through life. Don't ever quit adding things to your list, don't ever stop believeing in good...Don't ever give up.

Smile, today could be your last.

What a great week...

Wednesday (6/30- happy birthday Dad) we headed out of Cleveland to Milwaukee for TJ and Chrissy's wedding. Actually, the wedding was in Sheboygan, Wi. For some reason, the locals there call it SheVegas...I don't quite get that, but it is what it is.

It was a great time...Wednesday night, we had dinner and drinks with the wedding party at the Blue Harbor Resort. Then Wendy and I drove to Green Bay and went to the Oneida casino. It was a lot of fun. On a quarter machine, I even hit my first royal flush which paid $1000!

On Thurday (after three hours of sleep) I got up and went golfing with the boys in the wedding. We did a scramble...but only got through 15 holes, as TJ was getting nervous about getting to the tux shop before they closed.

After golf, we all went to the rehersal dinner. An Italian restauarnt called Lino's right on the water across from the hotel. The Blue Harbor resort is a beautiful place. If someone blindfolded you and drove you there, you would have thought you were in Florida. The town just has a boating feel to it. Very laid back- just my style. Maybe one day we'll get a boat?

We went to bed really early after the staying up late the night before.

I woke up on Friday morning about 5:00 AM and watched a dozen or so boats make the trip through the marina out to Lake Michigan. Then crawled back into bed and watched a couple of re-runs of Married with Children.

On Friday we got up and went water slidin' at the Blue Harbor indoor water park. It was really a great time. We followed that up by hamburgers and hotdogs and french fries poolside. Wendy laid out while I got my tux on.

We took some pictures down by the Lake, and then went down to the John Kohler Arts Center to get TJ married. It was a nice, quaint ceremony in the middle of their courtyard. Very nice, short ceremony where TJ and Chrissy were surrounded by the people who care for them the most.




After the ceremony, we drove around in the limo for a while, and then went to Margaux's for dinner. Dinner was fabulous...appetizer was a lobster springroll, followed up by shrimp wrapped in bacon, and a short rib. Dessert was a trio...cheesescake, chocolate mouse, and a tart. All good stuff.

Of course, dinner was followed up by dancing, and drinking. It's always entertaining to hang out with the Dubeansky's- never a dull moment, they are good people and a fun family. Good to see old friends, and new friends, and create memories that will last a lifetime.

Travel is tiring, but the trip was a ton of fun. When we got back, we took a nap and then got ready for Wendy's 20th high school reunion at the Rusty Nail banquet room. It too was a great time.

...(Wendy is the fourth one from the left in the front row).

I had a great time with my wife, but we both missed Coop and Mr. Knox. Today, Papa and Mammy brought them back home. It was great to see them both. We took the kids in the back yard and put them in the kiddie pool. Mr. Knox really enjoys that. Coop rode the tractor around for a while, and he too was in and out of the pool.

We were a bit sad that we couldn't get to see fireworks with our kids this year, but hopefully next year we can make that happen.

Happy birthday America.

Smile, today could be your last.

Well, it feels pretty good to be alive - especially with today being Father's Day. I cried a bit as I put Knox to bed tonight, asking God to give me many more Father's Day's with my children. I don't know if I will be that lucky or not, but for one day, today, it did not matter. I couldn't give Mr. Knox enough kisses on his forehead as I put him into his crib. Sometimes I scare Coop because I squeeze him too tight as I get him ready for bed. I know that tomorrow is not promised to anyone, but the further I get away from my diagnosis, and the closer I get to surgery, the more I appreciate every second that I have. This week was crazy. We worked so hard in "The Meadow" to make a couple's wedding day special. I of course ended up in the hospital. As I came in from some yard work, I layed down because I wasn't feeling well...Wendy took my temperature, and I was running a fever of 102. She called the Cleveland Clinic, and they said to get to the ER. So we went to Robinson Memorial. After several tests, they diagnosed me with pnemonia. I got to spend the night in the hospital. I will be fine. (Now I just have to get over the poison ivy). Oh yeah, we got a new truck...I'll have to get a pic of it and get it posted soon...it's pretty frickin' cool. But the center of everything is Mr. Knox, and the Cooperman. For the longest time, I couldn't imagine having kids. Now I can't imagine my life without them. Funny how life works.
Mr. Knox has been crawling confidently for a little over a week. In this video, he sort of pulls on the carpet to get along, but he has proven that he can crawl even without the shag carpeting. He will be walking before long. Coop stood up and walked on his first birthday...and it will be interesting to see how Knox compares.


Smile, today could be your last.

Over the weekend Wendy and I took Coop down to Founder's Day. It was their 75th anniversary. Some guy gave a long winded (but well spoken) speech about Dr. Bob and his wife Annie and the importance of AA. We missed the beginning of the speech, and a stranger joked to me that the Gettysburg address was shorter. It was a fun morning though. We left the house at 7:30 and drove down to Akron. After the speech, they played Amazing Grace three times on the bagpipes, and then said the serenity prayer. It is always amazing how many lives that AA touches and how many people have been given a second chance through their program. I have to admit that even I was skeptical when I first met Wendy, but after seeing what they do first hand, they have literally helped thousands upon thousands of people deal with their addiction. I am grateful, because otherwise, I wouldn't know the woman that I am married to. It makes me proud that my wife is a member. It truly is a group like no other. I think what is so great about it is that no one passes judgement, and everyone is accepted: regardless. I mean, here at the Akron gathering, you have 500+ bikers...guys as tough as nails, but there are tears streaming down into their beards as they play Amazing Grace. The same grown men are holding hands as they say the "Our Father", and the Serentiy Prayer. It is a first class operation all the way. And again, I am grateful for it.

After the ceremony, the bikers fired up thier bikes, and filed out. Coop waved at everybody...many of the biker chicks waved back as they rode out of town. Coop really enjoyed it.

...Of course I find humor in everything, and just as things were getting serious, some guy decides to bend down in front of us. I could not resist taking a picture of his crack.

Smile, today could be your last.

It was a really fun weekend. Sat. night, Wendy and Sandy and I went to the casino. No luck, but it was fun. Sunday, we all went over to Paul and Liz's house. Coop had a good time playing with their daughter, Elise. They have a really nice home in Medina and I hope that they enjoy living there for years to come. After the grill-out, PK took Coop for a ride on his John Deere. Coop loves tractors...especially John Deere's.

Mr. Knox is starting to do what resembles a push up. Not exactly crawling yet, but he sits on his own. He also has a couple of teeth pushing through on the bottom, so he fusses a lot. It's gotta be painful.

Monday (Memorial Day) we went over to Aunt Sherry's and Uncle Dave's. We enjoyed fishing in their lake, and Coop even caught his first fish. A moment I will not forget.

Hey Coop...on a scale of 1 to 5...how good is that cake?

Smile, today could be your last.

What a fantastic weekend...
It was Coop's birthday on Sunday. We went to the zoo, and then came back home for pizza and cake and ice cream. Coop feeding DB some birthday cake...
Couldn't have had nicer weather, or a nicer day. Wendy and Coop rode a camel.



Tom and Virginia got to enjoy the day with their grandsons.



Back at The Nail, Coop got a John Deere cake...

And then a real John Deere...

We couldn't get him off of it!
He had a little trouble coordinating the gas with the steering wheel, but just 24 hours later, he had it figured out. He kept taking his foot off of the pedal and when it would stop he'd say, "More gas." and get off of it, and pretend to put gas in it. Funny.

Mr. Knox in the back of the el camino.


Happy birthday Cooper. Life goes by so fast. Enjoy everyday.

I love you boys.

Smile, today could be your last.

Hard to believe another month has passed. But I can honestly say to myself as I look in the mirror that I have lived life to the fullest over the last 30 days. Yeah, chemotherapy still sucks, and I have that hurdle in my life, but I have so much life to hold onto. So, as I round third and head for home, here's what has been happening.

My birthday was great...Wendy had lots of friends and family over to The Nail for dinner. We feasted on ribs, and all sorts of other things that I could go on about. Wendy fell asleep to "Deliverance" as I prepared myslef for rafting down a West Virginia river in the middle of nowhere.

The poker party was another huge success. Not necessarily the crowd that we hoped for, but we still raised a good amount of money, plus we had a blast, so it was well worth it. I finished in 9th...KQ off suit...flop comes Q 9 6 rainbow. I'm all in. Joe Z's wife calls with A 2 off. Catches an Ace on the river. What complete crap. Not good poker, but that's the game.

The following weekend was the 10 year anniversary party of the Costley Ct. in the banquet hall. Another amazing time. There must have been 200+ people at the event. Needless to say, I had a few drinks and a great time. Coop had a great time too. The only one not having a great time was the kid that got their eyes gouged out by Coop.



We drank beer in the back seat of the A-Team van. Whiskey on the golf course. Shots with stangers. White-water rafted,...even handcuffed a friend to a light post. It was by all accounts a man's weekend. We planned for it, and made it happen. What a great time. Stopped at the Casino on the way to Athens. Won about$1200 between poker and a slot machine. It was a lucky day and a great weekend for me.

More later.

Smile..today could be your last.

Happy Birthday Bubba.

Smile, today could be your last.

Found a really old Palmerston CD in my nightstand tonight. It was buried beneath a whole lotta things (gotta clean out the dresser drawer). Just laying in bed chilaxing to some old memories. It's funny how as you get older your memories become more important. At least they are to me. Perhaps that's because your life is constantly getting shorter, and your memories are getting longer.

The one common thread that we all have in common is that nobody gets out of life alive.

...And creating your reality so that your memories are ones worth remembering...hugely important.

There is no answer for the years we up where we never...thought to clearly. But there is one thing here, you can see dreams standing in the mirror, I'm down here...I'm down here.


Lesson from Uncle Bubba (at least interpreted through Dad): When you are young you may make mistakes, but always check yourself in the mirror. Look closely and follow your dreams. And don't forget the people that help you get there.

Always makes me smile to think of what an outstanding musician by brother was. I still have to wonder what creative pieces he would be performing to this day. There is no doubt in my mind that he would still be writing music today. Sometimes when I hear something he would have liked, I can hear him, see him rocking out, feel it inside. I am still amazed at how good he became so quickly when he started playing classical guitar. Anyone who has ever played the classical guitar knows what I am talking about. Not an easy thing to do. Certainly not the same as hammering out some chords and covering some Nirvana tune.



The memories are certainly all ours Bubba.

Smile, today could be your last.

Finally got the Easter pics uploaded...Wendy had hid the camera behind a couple of pictures so that Coop couldn't reach it. I never would have thought to look there.



Easter Saturday at Steve & Mary's

Coop got an Easter tractor ride with Great Grandpa...

And a wheel barrow ride with Dad.


Cooper at the Easter egg hunt (I hope whoever the guy is in the upper left corner has a little one with him. Otherwise he has real problems).


Shhhhh!!! Easter Sunday was exhausting.


Here is a pic of the squirrel that we threw a piece of bread to. Coop and I named him "Guido". I joked that he was Italian. He was a hungry squirrel.


The love of my life at Gordon Biersch Brewery in Columbus. This was not on Easter.

I'm just glad I got some photos up. Chemo tomorrow.

Smile, today could be your last.

Wendy is at Moutaineer for Willie's birthday. I just texted her, "Is my camera gone forever?" It hasn't been in the case for a while. As I was typing this she sends back, "What do you mean?" I said back, "Where is it?" *Awkward Pause.............................................

...She replies, "On counter downstairs by basket"...I'll go look. *Another awkward pause...

...Sorry, I'm back. Still don't see it. I sent back, "Not".

The suspense of where the camera is, is killing you as a reader, isn't it?

That's why I didn't have any pictures in the last post. I wanted to get some Easter pics up. It was a pretty good weekend. We got invited over to Steve and Mary's house (they are customers at the Nail). Live in a gorgeous waterfront home on Mockingbird Ln. Then on Easter, Wendy made brunch (I know, crazy right?) for everyone. She did a nice job with the strata...it was delicious. After brunch Wendy and the boys took naps for a couple hours. Everyone was beat.

Well, I haven't heard back about the camera, so I'll have to add the pics later.

Today, my Dad and I removed the rest final pile of wood from in front of the banquet hall. We also fixed the lights in the backyard. As I sit home alone, and look out into the glowing back yard, I can't help but feel mighty appreciative of Tom and Virginia's help. I've said it before...couldn't do it without them. Hopefully one day this summer you will stop out and have a drink under the glow of the lights in the backyard. It'll be worth the trip.

See you soon.

Smile, today could be your last.

Been trying to stay active...even when I am tired. So, I am alone it is 1:36 AM, and I decided to clean the house. Cleaned the garage earlier, so I felt pretty good about not being lazy today. Anyway, while I was cleaning, I hung up a few jackets.

One I did not recognize other than it says, "Killarney" on it; it is black and smells like smoke. I am guessing it is Babsie's, as I am pretty sure that Wendy has not been to Southwest Ireland.

The second jacket was a black hoodie which had stains on it (Cooper gets into everything). He helped me clean up the garage this afternoon. Coop and I also went for a ride in the Suburban tonight. With him on my lap, I didn't realize that he had turned the headlights on...needless to say, I have a dead battery now. Stupid as this sounds, it still makes me smile.

The third jacket was an even smaller hoodie. As I hung it on top of Cooper's on the coat rack, it looked like something that you would put on a stuffed animal. Just extremely small.

As I hung the last jacket, I felt this huge wave of love come over me. It was a feeling that only unconditional love allows.

So tonight I have a dead car battery, and I got to pick up after the boys.

...I loved every minute of it.

Smile, today could be your last.

I can't help but wonder if I didn't have cancer, would anybody read this? I mean, it's pretty cool when people that I hardly know have told me, "I read your blog". But as someone with a disease that so many of us find intriguing, it is just a thought that popped into my head. Probably me over-thinking things again.

I guess sometimes I just wonder what motivates people to do what they do. I mean, I had someone tell me the other day that I was his hero. I'm nobody's hero (except hopefully to Coop and Knox someday- after I have earned it). I'm just some young guy whom cancer chose to slap in the face. You don't get a choice. You see-to me, that is not a real hero...A real hero is someone that stands up for what they believe in in the face of adversity. Or someone that saves a 10-year-old girl from a burning house. Or someone who pulls two unconscious college kids from a car after they have been in a terrible accident. These are real heroes. Save that title for someone who makes a choice to do the right and tough thing in a difficult situation. I will keep an eye out for a situation that might make me a hero. If it happens, I will be sure to post it here for you to read.

Maybe the headlines will read: Cancer Patient Saves Baby; Hero Blogs About It."

Lesson for Coop and Knox: Always have good intentions. That alone makes you a hero to me.

Last Sunday, the family threw Grandpa Thomas Colicchio party up in Kirtland at Dino's (Bubba worked there for a while). It was a great time, and good to see a lot of the family that I have not seen for months. Grandpa is a feisty old man, and that is what I love about him.

This past Sunday, Wendy, Kristen, Ky and Kade,Coop and Knox and I went to Hale Farm. It was well...just ok. I really don't have a desire to go back, or to recommend to anyone. It is an absolutely beautiful property, but I think perhaps we went during a bad time of the year, because of the seemingly dozens of structures that we walked to, none were open. So, we walked around from locked building to locked building only to cup our eyes with our hands and try to peek in the windows. It was still very nice to be outdoors with the boys and the nephews, and despite the locked buildings, we still had a nice time. Here is Coop and one of the locked houses...


...Because I want to be a Cowboy, Baby...


...Mr. Knox enjoying the day.
On the way out, we saw these horses and decided to pull over to get closer. I was going to stay in the car with Mr. Knox and Ky and Kade, but I noticed Wendy and Kristen trying to toss Cooper over the creek to one another. I jumped out of the car, and said, "Why don't you walk around." So I took Coop and then thought, "I can make that jump." As I jumped over the creek, I slipped and fell down with Cooper in my arms. We landed in some hay and he scratched his face (not as nimble as I used to be). I still feel bad, so when you are old enough to read this Coop, "I'm sorry".



Smile, today could be your last.