Earlier this week our family went to the zoo. It was cool to see the reaction on Coop's face as we walked from exhibit to exhibit. Knox is still too young to really understand, although he hardly fussed at all during the trip. I will get a video posted soon...for now here are a couple pics. Thursday Coop and I went sledding. He had fun, but didn't like wearing his gloves. It was an experience I will not forget.


Smile, today could be your last.

Tonight, I showed Wendy how to use this blog. She is not stupid...just way better at dealing with people than computers.

Smile, today could be your last.

Took Coop over to Towner's Woods last night. We sat on the park bench and looked out over a frozen lake. I held his hand to and from the car because the paths were iced over. He makes me smile.





It is amazing to me how Coop is beginning to say small sentences. We were playing basketball in the banquet hall, and I shot and missed. Coop immediately said, "He missed it." Sandy and I just looked at each other in disbelief.


Here is a short vid from about two weeks ago. It too, makes me smile...




Smile, today could be your last.

Another video that I have been working on...this one, about our tattoo's.



Smile, today could be your last.

Just finished this short bowling movie from last weekend...



Smile, today could be your last.

After getting off to a slow start, Wendy and I made it to The Cleveland Clinic. As I sit here in "the chair of death" I can only hope and pray that the drugs do their job, and I have lucky enough to be given another 5 years of life. If we can just get there, I know we can go beyond. Baby steps.

Anyway, they have accessed the port, and are just waiting on some of the drugs. Wendy went down to get some food and charge her phone. I popped three nausea pills and one for diarrhea (isn't cancer fun?), and am now sitting here watching some bad re-runs of Home Improvement.

One of the hardest things for me during the chemo process is not being able to take a shower. Wendy will vouch for me when I say that I take at least one shower every day. Sometimes more. It made me laugh today because Dr. Kim has another Dr. working with him. She appears to be Russian...heavy accent and all. By the "and all" part, I mean that she stinks. Like when she is in the room your eyes close a little bit, and your nose hairs become cinged. Funny and sad. More on the stinky Dr. and chemo later...

Anyway, we had a great weekend. Friday we went out for Rich's birthday. Spent the night at On Tap in Fairlawn. It was fun to watch all kinds of drunk people try to sing karaoke. On the way home, Wendy and I sang some Vampire Weekend tunes, and pulled into the Nail to hang out with a few employees. I had a couple more drinks, and when the Glen Hansard came on, Wendy and I slow danced in the restaurant right at the bar. I asked her to help me create memories for our kids. We went to bed that night with smiles on our faces. It was a great night, and one I will cherish always.

Saturday, Wendy worked and I just layed low. Flipped channels between the Cavs game, and some bad movie with George Clooney.

Sunday, we had our bowling party for the Nail. It was great to hang out. We drank some beers, rolled some frames, and laughed. I even had the highest average (out of the 3 games) and won the side pot...Woo Hoo! Cooper went along with us, and I was proud to help him roll his first ball down the lane. It was definitely an experience I will not forget.

Sunday night, Wendy and I hopped in the car and drove to the Pittsburgh casino. I don't have any luck...but Wendy hit a couple of good ones. She is always luckier than I am when it comes to slot machines.

Monday, didn't do much. We slept in until noon because we didn't go to bed until 5:30 AM. Got up, made some coffee, gave Coop a bath. Aunt Kim and Katie took Coop to get his hair cut, and when we came back, we all got ready for pictures. We drove out to Ralph's house. Ralph was the photographer that captured our wedding. He is a bit strange, but a nice man. On the way home, Wendy was craving Hibachi. So, we stopped in the falls for a bite. We were worried a little about Cooper, because it was already getting late, but he handled himself like an old pro, and didn't make a fuss once.

That was the weekend in review. I hope that I am fortunate enough to continue to make new memories with my family. They mean everything.

Smile, today could be your last.

Don't know if I mentioned it in the earlier post but I got the port put in my chest this morning. Came home, ran the snow plow, and put a new faucet on the sink in the bathroom. I'm not the toughest person in the world, but sometimes you have to clench your teeth and suck it up. Got a great (although short) vid of Knox tonight. Wanted to share it:



Smile, today could be your last.

It was a long weekend. Friday, Wendy and Kristen and I made a trip up to the Cleveland Clinic to meet with Dr. Kim. He was a nice man. You could tell he was way too smart for his own good and struggled within himself to speak in terms so that the everyday average person could understand. I'm guessing that he also got made fun of a lot by other students in grade school, but it is usually these people who amount to the most successful adults. Funny how that works.

Anyway, it was crazy how we left there and he said that people have made mistakes before (referring to my cancer diagnosis). He agrees with the last 20 doctors that have looked at the pathology reports and the CT slides...the nodules in my lungs look like infection, not cancer. Wendy and Kristen were disgusted with Dr. Payne, because (according to Dr. Kim) perhaps more action (surgery) could have been taken if we would have done something months ago. So, until he confirms it as well, I am going to pray for some weird infection, however, I know that is not the reality of the situation.

After leaving the Clinic, we went to Benihana's, a Japanese steakhouse. I had been craving sushi for a week. The next day woke up to fluids coming out of every orfice in my body, not to mention the fever, the chills, and the total lack of energy. I was so tired, Wendy had to put my socks on for me. Not even Chemotherapy compared to what I felt like on that day.

Anyway, Costley Ct. played on Sat. night. I missed the whole thing because of food poisoning or some weird intestinal virus. Oh well. My Mom is not feeling well today, and says that she has what I had, but I feel better just 24 hours later...so we'll see. When I got up the next day Coop and I went over to the restaurant becuase a few of our friends spent the night, which was very cool.

Here is a great vid I took of Coop dancin' the night away on Friday night...
*Note the one shoe missing


Me and Mr. Knox...


Smile, today could be your last.

Last night I had the pleasure of taking my son to his cousin Ky's basketball game. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't believe how fast Ky is growing up...or Coop for that matter. Cooper is starting to say some small sentences, although he hardly ever says his own name. Maybe he is just that humble...? I hope that is the man that you grow up to be, putting others before yourself. Remember, I'm watching.


Anyway, I had a lot of fun at the game. I hope that as Coop and Knox grow up they keep sports in perspective. I love sports as much as the next guy, but there are way more important things in life. I know that your Uncle Kevin will push you to do the best that you can (he should)...but just be sure to keep him grounded him from time to time. Athletics are great, but are not the end all. It's amazing to me that over the last few years, how something that used to mean so much to me, has very little meaning in my life. Although, I'm sure that cancer has much to do with that.

It's amazing how if you open your eyes to the world, you can learn new things all the time. Knox is only 2 1/2 months old, and he teaches me things all the time. Like just yesterday Knox reminded me the importance of smiling (something I end these blogs with as a reminder to myself), and how that warmth and energy can be transferred to one human to the next. It's a simple thing, but if you don't take time to pay attention to it, you'll miss it.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, my mind is just a clutterd mess right now:
Anyway, I was talking with Wendy about cancer, and the more that I reflect on our conversation the more that something that I said struck a funny chord with me.
I told her that, "Cancer is not all bad."

The more I think about that, the more I think that it is true. Now, do I have a chronic disease that will eventually kill me?...Yes. Could there be anything sadder then two little boys losing their Father?...No. But look at it from another angle. A perspective that I have been trying to adopt over the last couple of weeks.
Our tenant called to wish Wendy and me well. His Mom is going through breast cancer...so he understands. A teacher at work told me that whatever I need, he is there for me. Even offered to help with a remedy for nausea. Another co-worker offered to help with some of my work load. My Mom and Dad have been wonderful with the boys, staying up late, and getting up early. My wife is now more than ever pushing hard to get things in order with the house, my doctor's appointments, and our lives in general. DB helps plow the parking lot at The Nail. Sandy and Dave have done more than we could have ever asked for at the restaurant over the last 6 months. I could go on. I feel love from all over. Everyone wants to help. There is good in everything. You just have to peel back enough layers to see it.

I better get back to work...I have been avoiding it.

Smile, today could be your last.

I can't believe I never posted this video of Coop. I guess I always told myself that I would get around to it later. Here's to later:




Smile, today could be your last.

I can't think about work right now...I have been sitting at my desk for the last 3 hours, and have hardly done anything. All I can think about is the short time that I have left. What am I going to do with this time? What would you do? It's funny because when you read thoughts from other people their responses are things like, "I would travel." or..."I would max out my credit cards"...or "I would eat anything I wanted". I wonder if any of these people are actually dying. Doubt it.

Anyway, I've spent the last 2 hours reading much of a blog from an Australian women who was actually dying from bowel cancer. It offered me some real insight as to what someone else's thoughts were. Very real. Very sad. Very heart-warming, and heart-breaking. As you read, you find yourself wanting to help Jack, her 7 year old son. That is the same way I feel about Coop and Knox. I can't help them. I can't even explain to them what is happening. I suppose they are getting a life lesson in death. Is that ironic? Anyway, each of our lives is different, and I suspect that God has a plan for the two of them.

If you are interested in shedding a couple of tears, the link is below. But, I'll warn you that once you start reading, it's hard to stop.

thecomfyplace.blogspot.com

Smile, today could be your last.

Every time I look at my children, my heart breaks. I am constantly whispering in their ears things like, "I love you." and "You can do anything you want in this world." What scares me more than dying, is that they are too young to remember me and our time together. So, my biggest priority in the remaining time that I have, is to create and document memories with them...BRB, my Mom is in the banquet hall, and I have to go get that video of Coop dancing.


Best I could do on short notice. He didn't want to cooperate. LOL!

I love you Coop.

Smile...today could be your last.

Great to see all of my friends on New Year's day. All in all a pretty good day. Buckeyes beat the Ducks (sorry Coop I know you were rooting for them- Ducka, Ducka, Ducka), it was Rhodes' birthday, and than finished the night at Kristen's and Kevin's for a movie.

Earlier in the day Coop and my Dad and I went over to the banquet hall to blow off some steam. We threw the ball with Harley, and when I turned the music on Coop started dancing by himself on the dance-floor. I will get video of this soon...cute as hell.

My heart is breaking tonight. I am sad.
...But rather than sit here and think about it, I am going upstairs to hang out with the wife. Words cannot describe how I feel about her, and our situation.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Well...Met with Dr. Payne today. Prognosis in my opinion is not good. Wendy and Kristen came with me to meet with the nursing staff (hey Kristen- you made the blog...hooray!). It sounds like Wendy has been telling people otherwise, but I think it's just to keep them optimistic.

I hate to be negative but in looking at the statistics for metastasized cancer, it appears that at state IV, you are about a 10% chance to survive 5 years. That is quite a scary statistic. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. My life is so good to me. I have two boys that I would do anything for, a wonderful wife, a terrific job, a great business, and tremendous support from everywhere. I am lucky. I am thankful.

I am however not dying today. I think that in the days to come, that I have a real chance to communicate with Coop and Knox even after I am gone. So, for that I am grateful as well.

I often try to answer this question,(especially now being diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time), "what would you do with your life if you knew your time was limited?" Hard to come up with much, especially when your funds are limited. What I want the most, is for Coop, and Knox, to know that no matter what, I am with them.

If you have just scored a touchdown...I am with you. If you just fumbled in the 4th quarter...I am with you. If you just made honor roll...I am with you. If you just got your first "F"...I am with you. If you just received an award from school...I am with you. If you just got detention...I am with you. If you just got in trouble with the cops (uh-oh), I am with you. If the community just recognized you...I am with you. If you just loved someone who broke your heart...I am with you. If you just found the love of your life...I am with you. If you just fell apart for no reason what-so-ever...I am with you. And if you just re-discovered yourself...I am with you.

I may not always be here physically, but trust me, I am watching you, I am with you. Open your heart, I am there. Close your eyes at night, I am there.

Each and every New Year's (Coop, Knox, & Wendy)I love you!!!

Smile...today could be your last.