It was a long weekend. Friday, Wendy and Kristen and I made a trip up to the Cleveland Clinic to meet with Dr. Kim. He was a nice man. You could tell he was way too smart for his own good and struggled within himself to speak in terms so that the everyday average person could understand. I'm guessing that he also got made fun of a lot by other students in grade school, but it is usually these people who amount to the most successful adults. Funny how that works.

Anyway, it was crazy how we left there and he said that people have made mistakes before (referring to my cancer diagnosis). He agrees with the last 20 doctors that have looked at the pathology reports and the CT slides...the nodules in my lungs look like infection, not cancer. Wendy and Kristen were disgusted with Dr. Payne, because (according to Dr. Kim) perhaps more action (surgery) could have been taken if we would have done something months ago. So, until he confirms it as well, I am going to pray for some weird infection, however, I know that is not the reality of the situation.

After leaving the Clinic, we went to Benihana's, a Japanese steakhouse. I had been craving sushi for a week. The next day woke up to fluids coming out of every orfice in my body, not to mention the fever, the chills, and the total lack of energy. I was so tired, Wendy had to put my socks on for me. Not even Chemotherapy compared to what I felt like on that day.

Anyway, Costley Ct. played on Sat. night. I missed the whole thing because of food poisoning or some weird intestinal virus. Oh well. My Mom is not feeling well today, and says that she has what I had, but I feel better just 24 hours later...so we'll see. When I got up the next day Coop and I went over to the restaurant becuase a few of our friends spent the night, which was very cool.

Here is a great vid I took of Coop dancin' the night away on Friday night...
*Note the one shoe missing


Me and Mr. Knox...


Smile, today could be your last.

Last night I had the pleasure of taking my son to his cousin Ky's basketball game. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't believe how fast Ky is growing up...or Coop for that matter. Cooper is starting to say some small sentences, although he hardly ever says his own name. Maybe he is just that humble...? I hope that is the man that you grow up to be, putting others before yourself. Remember, I'm watching.


Anyway, I had a lot of fun at the game. I hope that as Coop and Knox grow up they keep sports in perspective. I love sports as much as the next guy, but there are way more important things in life. I know that your Uncle Kevin will push you to do the best that you can (he should)...but just be sure to keep him grounded him from time to time. Athletics are great, but are not the end all. It's amazing to me that over the last few years, how something that used to mean so much to me, has very little meaning in my life. Although, I'm sure that cancer has much to do with that.

It's amazing how if you open your eyes to the world, you can learn new things all the time. Knox is only 2 1/2 months old, and he teaches me things all the time. Like just yesterday Knox reminded me the importance of smiling (something I end these blogs with as a reminder to myself), and how that warmth and energy can be transferred to one human to the next. It's a simple thing, but if you don't take time to pay attention to it, you'll miss it.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, my mind is just a clutterd mess right now:
Anyway, I was talking with Wendy about cancer, and the more that I reflect on our conversation the more that something that I said struck a funny chord with me.
I told her that, "Cancer is not all bad."

The more I think about that, the more I think that it is true. Now, do I have a chronic disease that will eventually kill me?...Yes. Could there be anything sadder then two little boys losing their Father?...No. But look at it from another angle. A perspective that I have been trying to adopt over the last couple of weeks.
Our tenant called to wish Wendy and me well. His Mom is going through breast cancer...so he understands. A teacher at work told me that whatever I need, he is there for me. Even offered to help with a remedy for nausea. Another co-worker offered to help with some of my work load. My Mom and Dad have been wonderful with the boys, staying up late, and getting up early. My wife is now more than ever pushing hard to get things in order with the house, my doctor's appointments, and our lives in general. DB helps plow the parking lot at The Nail. Sandy and Dave have done more than we could have ever asked for at the restaurant over the last 6 months. I could go on. I feel love from all over. Everyone wants to help. There is good in everything. You just have to peel back enough layers to see it.

I better get back to work...I have been avoiding it.

Smile, today could be your last.

I can't believe I never posted this video of Coop. I guess I always told myself that I would get around to it later. Here's to later:




Smile, today could be your last.

I can't think about work right now...I have been sitting at my desk for the last 3 hours, and have hardly done anything. All I can think about is the short time that I have left. What am I going to do with this time? What would you do? It's funny because when you read thoughts from other people their responses are things like, "I would travel." or..."I would max out my credit cards"...or "I would eat anything I wanted". I wonder if any of these people are actually dying. Doubt it.

Anyway, I've spent the last 2 hours reading much of a blog from an Australian women who was actually dying from bowel cancer. It offered me some real insight as to what someone else's thoughts were. Very real. Very sad. Very heart-warming, and heart-breaking. As you read, you find yourself wanting to help Jack, her 7 year old son. That is the same way I feel about Coop and Knox. I can't help them. I can't even explain to them what is happening. I suppose they are getting a life lesson in death. Is that ironic? Anyway, each of our lives is different, and I suspect that God has a plan for the two of them.

If you are interested in shedding a couple of tears, the link is below. But, I'll warn you that once you start reading, it's hard to stop.

thecomfyplace.blogspot.com

Smile, today could be your last.

Every time I look at my children, my heart breaks. I am constantly whispering in their ears things like, "I love you." and "You can do anything you want in this world." What scares me more than dying, is that they are too young to remember me and our time together. So, my biggest priority in the remaining time that I have, is to create and document memories with them...BRB, my Mom is in the banquet hall, and I have to go get that video of Coop dancing.


Best I could do on short notice. He didn't want to cooperate. LOL!

I love you Coop.

Smile...today could be your last.

Great to see all of my friends on New Year's day. All in all a pretty good day. Buckeyes beat the Ducks (sorry Coop I know you were rooting for them- Ducka, Ducka, Ducka), it was Rhodes' birthday, and than finished the night at Kristen's and Kevin's for a movie.

Earlier in the day Coop and my Dad and I went over to the banquet hall to blow off some steam. We threw the ball with Harley, and when I turned the music on Coop started dancing by himself on the dance-floor. I will get video of this soon...cute as hell.

My heart is breaking tonight. I am sad.
...But rather than sit here and think about it, I am going upstairs to hang out with the wife. Words cannot describe how I feel about her, and our situation.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Well...Met with Dr. Payne today. Prognosis in my opinion is not good. Wendy and Kristen came with me to meet with the nursing staff (hey Kristen- you made the blog...hooray!). It sounds like Wendy has been telling people otherwise, but I think it's just to keep them optimistic.

I hate to be negative but in looking at the statistics for metastasized cancer, it appears that at state IV, you are about a 10% chance to survive 5 years. That is quite a scary statistic. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. My life is so good to me. I have two boys that I would do anything for, a wonderful wife, a terrific job, a great business, and tremendous support from everywhere. I am lucky. I am thankful.

I am however not dying today. I think that in the days to come, that I have a real chance to communicate with Coop and Knox even after I am gone. So, for that I am grateful as well.

I often try to answer this question,(especially now being diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time), "what would you do with your life if you knew your time was limited?" Hard to come up with much, especially when your funds are limited. What I want the most, is for Coop, and Knox, to know that no matter what, I am with them.

If you have just scored a touchdown...I am with you. If you just fumbled in the 4th quarter...I am with you. If you just made honor roll...I am with you. If you just got your first "F"...I am with you. If you just received an award from school...I am with you. If you just got detention...I am with you. If you just got in trouble with the cops (uh-oh), I am with you. If the community just recognized you...I am with you. If you just loved someone who broke your heart...I am with you. If you just found the love of your life...I am with you. If you just fell apart for no reason what-so-ever...I am with you. And if you just re-discovered yourself...I am with you.

I may not always be here physically, but trust me, I am watching you, I am with you. Open your heart, I am there. Close your eyes at night, I am there.

Each and every New Year's (Coop, Knox, & Wendy)I love you!!!

Smile...today could be your last.

"There is the way things should be, and then there are the way they are." Not the prettiest saying in the world, but very true. I told that to Wendy today. She cried. I am too numb to cry. I really never cried much. I just think that there is something bigger than all of us really going on.

Got up today and met with Dave Waller, Wendy and Chuck. Went over the menu for the Nail. Talked about what changes we wanted to make and how to maximize profits.

Then went to go help Sandy move. I have been trying to get over there for a couple of weeks, but it has been tough with the holidays, and the kids, and the job(s).

On the way back, Jack (who was also helping Sandy move) got a flat tire on the trailer. I came back to the Nail, and unloaded Sandy's stuff. Got a phone call from Wendy that the snow plow (a '92 Suburban) wasn't running right. Guy that DB knows is out fixing it right now.

Shelby, and her kids (Sammy and Amelia) came over tonight. They all exchanged presents for a while. Good to see Cooper interact with other kids. He is a little rough right now though, and does not know his own strength (look out Knox).

Hmmmm...What else? Oh yeah...

Wendy said to me..."I need to show you something in the banquet hall." We went out into the office. She told me that Dr. Payne called her back, and told her that the nodules in my lung are indeed cancer.

I love you Coop...



I love you Knox...


Smile...today could be your last.

Life can be scary. Went to see Dr. Payne today (best Oncologisgt ever), and she told me that they found a new lung nodule. That makes three now. Nobody seems to be sure what the hell is going on with that. She said it doesn't appear to be cancer, but scheduled a CT lung biopsy to be sure. I have follow-up appointments with Dr. Payne and Dr. Kretchmer in January.

I hate to be negative, but I get the feeling like my body just doesn't want to be here. I do not know the best thing to do. Working out, eating right, and getting enough sleep didn't seem to do much for me. So, perhaps I should just eat what I want, do what I want, and not worry about it. The older I live through this thing, that's my attitude more and more. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Life and death issues, life and death. Well, I guess you haven't lived until you get told by the doctor that you are a coin flip to survive. Pretty eye opening: sobering to say the least. Dr. Payne told me that I was now three years out. That's encouraging. Minus these lung nodules, I suppose life is good.

I have Cooperman, and Mr. Knox, and the best wife ever. She puts up with my laziness. She puts up with my nonchelant attitude. She keeps me sane and makes me insane at the same time (now that's love). Honestly, to you Wendy- You are the best. And whether I am sick or healthy, a couldn't be prouder to be your husband. Keep loving, keep listening, and keep your head up. Life moves quick, but Wendy moves quicker. You can never tell Wendy "you can't do that". And that my friend, is what makes her special. She finds a way to get things done. She is by all accounts, a "doer". Wendy has a gorgeous personality...and she is gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?



Look at how beautiful you are.

*Note the hand on the boob. I get the last laugh...lol.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Been a while...My apologies first to Knox. I already know what you are thinking..."What my birth doesn't rate high enough on your list of things going on to warrant a blog post?" In fact, it is just the opposite. I have been trying to get here and do this for so long, it has just been difficult. Not sleeping, not eating right, playing catch up everywhere...it takes it's toll. Sorry Knox... Anyway, your birth was such a success. It was amazing. I wasn't sure how it would feel compared with Coop. But it was just as amazing the second time around. I can remember standing there when they were weighing you, looking at Wendy. We just simply smiled at each other. It was one of those little moments in life where no words were necessary. We could have tried to say something, but it wouldn't have mattered. Because there are no words that could possibly express the amount of happiness that we both felt at that moment in the delivery room. You (and Coop) are the most precious thing in our lives. Here is a video of the first moment that you met your big brother. It still makes me feel (I can't find the right adjective)...amazing.



Also wanted to add a couple of other things...This song reminds me of you Knox. It is the most beautiful song that I have heard in a long time. Much like when you came along. (The Commander Thinks Aloud written by John Roderick of The Long Winters- Note: You may have to view in Firefox.)
I think that this song is about the space shuttle Columbia. Still it reminds me of everything that is good in life. Trying your best. Believing in yourself. Seeing the bigger picture. Being yourself. Reaching for the sun. Not giving up, no matter what. It also reminds me of how fragile life is. You can do powerful things with your energy, your time, your effort. Be wise.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I get so tired of reading pointless articles on the internet. It is more evident than ever that the world revolves around money. So, here is my article on the swine flu.

7 things to do (or not to do) to avoid getting the swine flu.

1) Don't lick the bottom of anyone's shoes...If you do this, you may pick up some of the bacteria that has been going around. For instance, sometimes people pee and miss in the men's room at the urinal. Someone has stepped in this, so be careful not to lick the bottom of shoes. It's not good. If you happen to lick the bottom of someone's shoe, see step 2.
2) Don't drink till you pass out...You may not sleep well. This lack of quality sleep, coupled with the weakening of your immune system, could result in the ineffectiveness of the body's natural defense systems. So, until further notice, drink a lot, but not until you pass out. If you think you have been infected with the Swine Flu, I would recommend 6-8 shots of Jim Beam nightly, for at least 2 months. The alcohol will help to kill off any bacteria floating around in your system. Be careful though, as you don't want to over-do it. When you start to see two bartenders you have effectively killed the H1N1 virus.
3) Avoid watching Cleveland Browns football...This will just make you angry and therefore more susceptible to infection. The angrier you are, the more susceptible you become. If you happen to watch a Cleveland Browns football game, you may want to drink the 6-8 shots of Jim Beam. It will help you deal with the reality of the Browns ineptness.
4) Wash your hands after you poop...You should wash your hands often and thoroughly. Recently, at a Bob Evans in Marietta Oh., I saw a sign that said you should sing Old McDonald while you wash your hands. Interesting tactic. The people at Bob Evans should be proud. What would Jerry Seinfeld's say here: "Who are these people at Bob Evans that need to be reminded to wash their hands?"
5) Try exercising...While you might not like it at first (it's much more fun to drink till you pass out), you may find this to be enjoyable after a while. In addition, you will find that your immune system will deal with you licking the bottoms of shoes much better. If you happen to watch a Cleveland Browns football game, you can take your anger out on the dumbells. Throw in a couple of shots of Jim Beam, and you will find stregth that you didn't know you had.
6) Don't cough or sneeze on other people...Sometimes we can't help but sneeze or cough on your neighbor. Try to avoid this. It will help if you cover your mouth, or sneeze into the crook of your elbow. This is a best practice, and should be followed. Bodily fluids are a personal thing and should be contained to the individual that they came from. If you are exposed to someone's bodily fluids, you may want to wash your face with bleach, and then take down a couple of shots of Jim Beam.
7) Stay home if you feel ill...If you feel like you are starting to get sick, stay home from work. Do not panic, it is perhaps not the Swine Flu, but could be something else, such as lack of motivation. Immediately crack open a bottle of Jim Beam to help kill whatever it is that ails you. You will feel better soon.

If you follow these steps, you are well on your way to preventing the Swine Flu from infecting you and your family. If you don't feel like you are getting sick, you may want to crack open a bottle of Jim Beam anyway, because avoiding the Swine Flu is a lifestyle.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I hate people that spend their lives bitching and moaning and complaining about things. But today, I am super pissed off at Major League Baseball. And since this is really my only outlet, I'm going to let it fly:


You've got to be fucking kidding me about baseball and Bud Selig. I did a little bit of homework on Mr. Selig, because I wanted to get my facts straight before I ranted. Let it be known that you Mr. Bed Selig were heart-broken when your beloved baseball team moved out of Milwaukee. So much so, that you started a company; Teams Inc., so that baseball teams could not move to a larger market, where there was more revenue to be made.

News flash Bud Selig...the same thing is happening today. Only it's not the teams that are moving, it's the players.

What good is having a farm system, and bringing up talent in a small market, only to have them go to another large market team after they reach star status? You need to re-think this, before you lose more fans, and control of baseball. You need to remember that there are loyal fans around the country, and not just in New York, or Los Angeles. How are teams like the Indians or the Orioles supposed to compete with $200 million dollar payrolls? What a joke!

Ask yourself this question Mr. Selig: What will your biggest moment be? Steroids in baseball? Implementing a wild-card (which I am in favor of)? Changing what the outcome of the all-star game means (which sucks!). Right now, you will be remembered for doing nothing of importance. Nothing with real back-bone.

The fans urge you Mr. Selig, to do something meaningful with the game of baseball, before it's too late. I am sick to my stomach watching talented Cleveland Indians players depart, because it is the only way that small market teams can compete. Would Cleveland still have Manny Ramirez and Jim Thome?...and just how good would the Indians be if they could have kept Victor Martinez, Cliff Lee, CC Sabathia, Manny Ramirez, and Jim Thome?

Both CC Sabathia, and Cliff Lee pitched last night for their new teams. CC Sabathia pitched 7 strong innings...Cliff Lee pitched a 6 hitter...both got the win for their teams. Martinez plays tonight for Boston. It would be a pretty safe bet to say that one of these players will hoist the trophy when October's over. What complete Bullshit. I hate the system, and now I am starting to hate you Selig, because you are not doing anything about it.
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THIS NOW!

Baseball is beautiful. Especially October baseball. Trying to anticipate what is going to happen next. Re-thinking specific situations, where after every pitch some variable is different. It is the purest game in the world. But it is being tarnished by big market baseball, and it has to come to a breaking point. Right now, baseball payrolls are totally out of control. Take a look at the following payroll analysis and make up your own mind.
The top 10 payrolls in baseball for the 2009 season:
Yankees: $201 million
Mets: $135
Cubs: $135
Red Sox: $122
Tigers: $115
Angles: $113
Phillies: $113
Astros: $102
Dodgers; $100
Mariners: $98
Bottom 10 payrolls in baseball for the 2009 season:

Reds: $70 million
Royals: $70
Rangers: $68
Orioles: $67
Twins: $65
Rays: $62
A's: $62
Nationals: $59
Pirates: $48
Padres: $42
Marlins: $36

If one doesn't see the correlation between payroll and quality of baseball, then perhaps you are a mental midget. All the good players go to the big market teams, single-handedly destroying baseball.

Of the top 10 teams based on payroll, five of ten teams made the playoffs (and one had a one game play-off as the Tigers lost to the Twins).

Of the bottom 10 teams based on payroll, one out of ten teams made the playoffs (Twins in the one game playoff).

See a pattern here. Money does indeed dictate winning over the course of a 162 game season. Does money guarantee a World Series ring? No. Does it help give you a better shot? Absolutely.
As we have seen in the past, there are teams now and again that fall in the bottom third of the payroll category, and come close to winning it all (such as last year's Devil Rays). But on a grand scale this is the exception, not the rule.

It is not too late to put the change in place now that we need to ensure that our children's children will grow up with competitive baseball. Our beloved American past-time is being corrupted by greed and outrageous out of control spending. You have to make this game fair across the board, and there is only one way to do this. You have to cap salaries Mr. Selig.
Cliff Lee, Victor Martinez, and Manny Ramirez belong in Cleveland. Mark Texiera belongs in Texas. Matt Holliday belongs in Colorado. Jason Bay belongs in Pittsburgh.

Over time, I think you will see the popularity and ratings of baseball withering away.

But until baseball and Bud Selig "grows a set" and stands up for what is right- I'm tuning out this October, and you can take that to the bank Selig and Steinbrenner.

Of all of the pictures that we got today at Knox's ultrasound, this one I thought looked the most like Cooper (minus the circle on the cheek). This is going to be amazing. Having two boys. I never thought it would happen to me, and I am so lucky to be able to experience this. Knox...I want to let you know how much you kicked while in Wendy's stomach. Even she couldn't believe how active you were compared to Coop. Perhaps you are getting it all out now, as I can't imagine you being more active than Coop is in our world...although anything is possible.

Tonight we went to get all of our pictures taken...pictures that I'm sure that you will see for years to come. It was hard to get your brother Cooper to kiss mommy's belly, but he did ok for being one. I can't wait until I can throw the baseball with you guys.

Well, I need to go to bed. I love my family. I love you Knox. I love you Cooper. I love you Wendy. Never, ever forget...that you can do anything in life that you want.

It's important to be good to people (I learned that from Bubba).

Smile, today could be your last.

...Here is a pic of Coop sitting in his old swing (Knox will get his crack at it soon).

Crazy day yesterday. Had a hard time getting up for work. Sat in my cubicle all day, then raced home to meet Jack to fix a sink at the rental. By the time I made it back to The Nail, it was time to unload a truck-full of wood, and go to the store to pick up the tool chest that Wendy bought me. Then off to Aldi's to get salt for the water softner. This was the best part of my day, because I got to hang out with Coop, and my old man.

After putting Coop to bed, Tomstang and I got to have a few beers. Good to talk with him. He reminded me of how fast life goes. "One day you'll wake up and your 60.", he said with his eybrows raised in amazement. We talked for a while about the uncertain future, and he reassured me that no matter what happens, Coop and Knox will be well taken care of. This made me smile, and feel a sense of warmth that a cannot describe. I am proud to have a father like him. He understands what is truly important in life.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I have always had a hard time expressing myself. I find it time consuming and frankly exhausting to tell someone else what I am feeling. And even though I struggle with this, I am usually never at a loss for words. Right now, I am not sure how to feel. A little on edge.

Here is the situation: I had a CT scan last week. She called the doctor's office, and although I had an appointment on Thursday, they want to see me today. I am scared. A while back, they found a nodule in my right lung. And although they would not call it cancer, they reassured me that it was not a huge concern, (although still a concern) and that we would watch it. Well, when Wendy called, they told her that there was some change, but they wouldn't tell her anything more. So, here I sit...at work, watching the clock.

When I found out that they want to see me today, I went for a walk. Down through Lock 3 to watch the ducks. I sat there for a while, praying. My head was filled with "What if" type of questions, all of which I know you can't do to yourself, but it is just the human reponse.

Let me ask this question, what would you do if someone told you that you had cancer?

What if they told you that you were a coin flip to survive?

How would your life change?

What would you do differently?

I've struggled with these questions for some time now. And really, I don't come up with much. You see, we all just have a limited time here, and it's really about getting the most out of each day. I thought long and hard about the things that I want out of my life...to watch my sons grow up, to take care of my family, and eveything else that I come up with is either very selfish, or really not all that meaningful. Knox is coming along in a few short weeks. I need to be here for the long haul.

I think that I need to take time this week to visit my brother. This is important to me.

Smile...today could be your last.

I really, really miss my brother today.

...Smile today could be your last.

Stuck on Nada Surf video's today at work...I do that when I don't want to deal with reality. The reality of my life. I am depressed today and needed a smile. I found it when I came across this video from The Beachland Ballroom (June 11, 2008). Easily the best show I have ever been to. Got to meet Matthew Caws, Ira Elliot, and Daniel Lorca. F'n Sweet. Was up on stage with the band, bought them a shot and a beer, and after the show Matthew played an acoustic set for like 30 people. It was awesome to say the least.

In this video, and the reason I am smiling now, is because I had a little to drink that night (wink, wink). At 3:52, I jump in early singing (off key)..."All I am is". It got a laugh out of the crowd, and Matthew acknowledges this with a tip of his guitar. Hillarious...at least to me anyway.

Check it out...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYhafB3Cqe0

Smile...today could be your last.

This was played at Bubba's funeral. It made me cry today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmcBm93qHU&feature=related


Smile...today could be your last.

Haven't posted in a while...Got ripped off today, and wanted to share it with somebody I guess.

I logged into my bank account today online, and there was a charge on there for 648 dollars and change. Some bullshit charge to an online Turkish travel agency. Not sure how someone gets into my account, but if it's bad luck, it will happen to me. I am optimistic that this is pessimistic thinking, and it seems to be truth and fact.

Anyone you know lose their twin brother from cancer, and a year later get diagnosed themselves? Happened to me. Now I'm not down on myself, and I am certainly not giving up, because when something kicks me in the teeth, I'm going to fight it like a motherfucker until it gives in. I have fight in me. I am determined...I am tired of telling that sad story and having people feel sorry for me. When I go running this afternoon, I will stop and see Benny Cowgill, and read the inscription under his statue. "You can't let hardship get in the way. You can only do the best you can." Not an exact quote, but you get the idea.

Finally, to my son Cooper, and my unborn Knox...

I love you more than you realize. Don't ever stop striving to be the best.

...Smile, today could be your last.

So, I decided that I am just an angry poker player. I mean, I study the game...reading books, online articles, watching others...I try just about everything, and still come out on the losing end. I don't play for much, but when I do, it's seems to be only a matter of time before it's gone. I was watching some people I know who are winning online players, and they are not doing anything top secret. I mean, maybe there are people in the world who are just un-luckier than others. Maybe thats pessimistic thinking...maybe it's reality? Who knows. Let me give you one example.

I have pocket deuces. Flop...A 2 7, rainbow. Perfect. Dude bets, I raise, he goes all in, I call. He could've easily made the same moves having AK or AQ but nooooo...he has to flop over the nuts. These type of hands seems to happen to me over and over and over. I can't play this hand any better really, can I? Everything I have ever seen and read, talks about shoving with trips. Is it a bad beat, or just a bad play? Calling would have just delayed the heartache...

Anyway, I am taking a break. That would be the smart thing to do, especially since I am now so pissed off at poker.

I know that I can be a good, winning player in time. I watch the way that some of these players play, and it amazes me that they even have chips in front of them. I am going to rebuy in August. Giving me a nice 3-4 week hiatus. Then it's time to take home some big money.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Father's Day was good...Coop, you were still not feeling well, and wore Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa out. We all went to the car show at Stan Hywet in Akron. Good time, but Coop was a little crabby today. Tom brought down the church bulletin. Here is the link to it:
http://www.sjvmentor.org/Bulletins/Bulletin%20062109.pdf


Later in the evening, we ate pizza and chicken and Jo-Jo's and played some poker. All in all a good day. Coop and Wendy bought me a video camera for Father's Day. It is sweet. A flip camera, about the size of a bar of soap that you can plug directly into the computer. Technology is amazing. Here is one of the first videos from the new camera at the car show.

...Smile, as today could be your last.

What it Takes

I don't want to cut and paste this entire article, but it spoke so true to me. It was written by Paul Wasika. Give it a read (Click the link above)...I think you'll enjoy it. Personal reflection, poker, life...all of my favorite things.

There are four types of people out there. Those who possess natural talent and pick things up very quickly, but lack motivation. Those who have a tough time grasping things, but work their ass off and try their best. Those who have both; and those who have neither.

I definately fall into the second category.


Also, very excited that Wendy is having a boy. She likes the name Knox Bentley. It is growing on me.

...Smile today could be your last.

...Man, did you love that cake!

Before I get to my day of answering email, phone calls, grading papers and surfing the internet, I wanted to get the video posted of Coop walking. This video is from Coop's party which was on the Nail patio. It was a ton of fun. Cooperman got so many gifts, I joked that we would need to buy him his own shed just to store them.


It was absolutely amazing how you just stood up and walked the day before your 1st birthday. It was as if you were practicing behind everyone's back. Forget crawling, I can walk.

I was reflecting this morning about the night that my brother passed away. I can remember looking up at the stars with pain in my heart and wondering why the world can be so cruel. My point is that life goes by so quickly...You have to enjoy everyone, and everything to the fullest. I know it's a statement of the obvious, but it needs repeated and remembered.

Bubba...you were a funny motherfucker. I love you.

...Don't forget to smile, today could be your last.

...kicking your Mom's butt in poker (Wendy you still owe me $128.50).




Mom wrote your name in the sand.






There's nobody cuter.

Holy shit...life is crazy.
I often think about writing here, but time is so, so limited.

I just re-read a couple of past posts, and realized I haven't posted for four or five months. Time flys.

Here's the skinny:

Coop you are starting to walk. Well not really. You take a couple of steps and then fall. You are hillarious. I can't wait until you can talk, because I really want to hear you take on the economy, and the current status of the country. Just kidding...we'll start small.

You are growing up so fast. Already off baby food, stumbling around...and you have a birthday in a few days. Wendy is planning you a suprise party. Should be fun. I hope to get some pics posted for you.

What else is happening? You have a little brother or sister coming in October. Have any good names picked out? Wendy thinks Cooperman II would be good for a boy, but there's only one Cooperman.

I love you.

Smile...today could be your last.

Our Father,

Who Art Modell,

Football be thy game.

Thy move the team, and killed our dream,

On Earth as it is in Cleveland.

Give us this day a competent coach,

And forgive Steeler fans who trespass among us.

Mangini will lead us back to the playoffs...

And deliver us a championship.

A-Quinn

...Smile...today could be your last.

This photo was taken at J. Hunt's house. You were happy after we took off the snowman suit, and let you crawl around in your diaper.

Fr. Johns just finished baptizing you. He dumped some water in your eyes, but you were tough, and didn't even cry.

Here is a spooky pic from Halloween. Boo!

All things considered, life is pretty good. Going on vacation soon to the Riviera Maya (only a month away), so I am excited about that. The Nail, Coop, and teaching are keeping me pretty busy, as always, and Wendy always has something for me to do...lol. In all seriousness, she is the best wife ever, and you Coop are the cutest kid ever. Hard to believe you love someone so much, even though they keep you up all night. Go to sleep!

Here comes your first Christmas! I know you are excited.

Smile...today could be your last.

I went to Athens last week. Missed my brother's anniversary. I can't believe how time flies. Three years gone in the blink of an eye. I bet the next three go just as fast...I miss you Bubba.

What else has been going on...

Coop is growing up before my eyes. This pic is from over a month ago. Unbelievable.

Everything at the Nail has been ok. If we can make it through this economic recession, I think we will be very sucessful in the long run. Here is a shot of us on the roof filming our commercial.

I think my biggest concern right now involves money. I am trying to save for retirement, put some money aside for fun, save for Cooper's college fund, get the restaurant re-established, and provide my wife and son with solid finnancial futures. It is extremely difficult. I mean, I think when you tell people that you own a restaurant they immediately think that you are well off. Everytime I turn around I am spending money. For example, I had to buy a plow truck from a friend, so that I could plow my parking lot this winter. It was not an option. Other companies wanted $150 per push to do the lot. Might as well buy my own. I need to start saving some moeny...now. Don't wait another day.

What else? Browns suck. Fire Romeo. At least they are playing Brady now.

I think Coop is going to make a fine quarterback one day. I love you son...more than I can ever put into words.

Final thoughts: I went to see Dr. Payne yesterday. She is my Oncologist. She told me that I have a small cyst on my right lung above some scar tissue. She assured me that it is nothing to worry about. Everything else in the CT scan came back clear...so good news. I need to be around to watch the Cooperman grow up.
Coop: I am amazed by you.

Smile...today could be your last.

Wow. I have been so busy over the last few months; it is so hard to even find time to post. I realize that my last couple of posts have been me rambling about our busy lives, the restaurant, our son, my lack of time to do anything enjoyable. But, holy smokes…I really do mean just that. I can’t find time to do anything.

I went to work all day, completing the daily grind, got home, changed my clothes, and went to work in the restaurant all night with Chuck (our chef). Then got done about 9:30, took a shower, and played with Coop for about an hour. He is teething a bit, so by the time he calmed down (more like cried himself tired) I couldn’t have been more tired. I looked at my guitar, and my book, neither of which interested me more than laying down and resting my eyes. I went into the bedroom, put on the Indians game, and next thing I knew it was 4:00 in the morning, and Cooper was crying again. So, I got up-changed a diaper, fed him, and off he went to sleep again. I thought about coming into work early, and that thought faded as quickly as it entered my mind. Next thing I know, it’s 7:30 and I’m late for work. So, here I am. It’s 11:25 and I’m at my desk at work in Akron. It’s a tired and happy life.

Let me try to update what has been happening over the last several weeks…

We had a bat in the house a couple of weeks ago. My Mom came quietly knocking on our bedroom door. She said, “I think there is a bird or a bat in the house.” I said, “Where is it?” She told me it was in there bedroom. I asked here where Dad was, and she said, “He’s in there with the bat.” I said, “Why didn’t you wake him up?”

She is crazy.

Anyway, it was almost one in the morning, and I now had a bat flying around my house. I opened up the back door, hoping that it would go out, but nooooooo. Stupid bat wouldn’t go outside.

It landed in the corner of the entrance to my house. At least it was now sitting still. I had several ideas running through my head of how to capture this thing. I was holding a broom and thinking to myself, “I’ll smack the son-of-a-bitch, and kill it”. But how is a broom going to kill a bat. He’ll sense me coming a mile away.

So, I climbed up onto a bench and was practically looking the thing in the face. It’s one thing to get up close and personnel with bats or other animals at the zoo, but when you know they could fly at you at any moment, your heart starts beating through your chest.

Long story short, I used the broom to trap it in the corner. Then I used a towel to grab the bat and cover it up. I took the towel outside and peace was restored in the Fiebig household. Here’s a pic of the bat:


Cooper has begun rolling over, and as I mentioned he has a couple of teeth coming in. He is adorable.

Browns lost to the Steelers again…10 in a row. It’s hard being a Brown’s fan. When will they fire Romeo?

Restaurant is going ok. I don’t think people realize how difficult it is to succeed in the world today, especially those who have already made it. Support your local businesses. We enjoy having Big Pat at our place on Saturday nights. Wendy and I want to make it a once a month thing.

McCain and Obama continue to sling mud. Should be an interesting election.

Nada Surf is playing in Chicago on Nov. 29th. Maybe Wendy will let me go.

Finished the regular season in first place in fantasy baseball, but now playing for third. I should’ve played Shoppach and not V. Martinez.

I am thinking about selling my scoot and getting an older mustang. I think it would be neat to be able to go to some of these car shows with my old man.

Want to go back to school, but between time and money restraints, I’m not sure how this is possible right now.

I am working on a video of Cooper Guild’s young life. I hope to have it done next week.

Summer is gone. Fall is here and I’m sure will go equally as fast. I am looking forward to Jan. for my bonus check. We are planning a trip to the Rivera Maya during the last week of January. I can’t wait.

Smile…today could be your last.

Sung to the tune of Spiderman (or Spiderpig).

Cooperman…Cooperman…Does whatever the Cooperman does.
Can he talk, no he can’t, it’s because he’s only 11 weeks old.
Look out! Here comes the Cooperman.

I can’t believe how big you are and how much I love you. I took you shopping last week to Restaurant Depot. It’s not a very good place to take a little baby, but you were so good. Strangers really gravitate toward you. The girl behind the counter asked me your name, and I told her. Only, she thought I said “goober”. We all got a laugh.

Anyway, you are getting HUGE. And finally sleeping through the night (well, almost). I thank God on this one because as of today, I am back to work full time. With everything going on in our lives, I need to sleep a little bit. Between the rentals, restaurant, my teaching job, and you…I am sure busy. But it’s all worth it. By the way, I will be retired so we can hang out. Just what every kid will want in high school…to hang out with Dad.

I don’t have too much to talk about today, but just wanted to let you know Coop, that when I look at you, I am overwhelmed with love.

I love these pics…

Don’t forget to smile…today could be your last.

After reading an article on education titled, “Educating the Unmotivated"(Ronald W. Luce), I began to think about our traditional teaching methods. Perhaps it is not so much what we teach, but rather how we teach it, and how the students perceive to learn something. I mean, Ben Stein gets a bad rap for “Buheler, Buheler, anyone, Buheler” as well he should…but to me rings so true. I mean when you are in front of a class, that is primarily what kids hear from us. That is why I think it important for kids to see me and my subject matter as “cool”. Now do I really care that my students think I’m cool? Of course not. But if they perceive me as someone that they can listen and relate to, they will actually soak up what you are saying, and not hear the withdrawn Mr. Stein. Speak to students on their level…do NOT be too in charge. They know you are the boss already and do not need to be reminded of it all the time.

Educators need to get students interested in what they are learning.

Essentially, what we are saying is that what we have done in the past has not worked. Not at the school I teach at, not in traditional public schools, and not across the board nationwide. There is not one solution to this problem, nor is there an easy answer. But if can make learning fun, empower our students, get away from traditional teaching methods, and avoid being the boring Mr. Ben Stein, I think we are well on our way of seeing an increase of student motivation, test scores, and an all around better learning environment.

Smile...today could be your last.

Wow...It's been a while...I have been so busy, which if I remember right was the point of my last entry (I hate the word blog).

Anyway, I just wanted to touch base on a couple of things.

I can't belive how big my son is getting...I love you Cooper Guild.

Holy Crap! I am working full time as a teacher, trying my best to be a father and husband, and running a restaurant. On top of that, just trying to get the basics done has been crazy. I am trying to build a walkway for the back patio, book bands for Sat. nights, and keep tabs on the rental properties. AARRGGG.

It can be frustrating, but if I want to retire at 45, it will all be worth it.

Anyway...I also wanted to get the picture of me and Matt posted. I had a rockin' good time at the show (got a little intoxicated-sorry Wendy), but had a blast. Made it to work a little late the next day. My ears rang all day...it was awesome. I got a chance to meet the Surfers and buy them a shot of whiskey. I also managed to get on stage and have Matt saw hello to my wife Wendy. All in all a great time. I only wish I could see them live more often. The more I listen to them, the better they get. The more records they make, the more depth their music has. Keep on rockin'.

Had a great 4th of July...Aunt Lou raced her homemade boat in Brady Lake. It was made of cardboard and duct-tape. Good times. I love Aunt Lou.

Went golfing for the first time in about 8 years yesterday with Scotty Bamic. I forgot how bad I am at golf, but how much I enjoyed hanging out with an old friend.

I need to get back to work now. I have much to do for the upcoming year.

Goal for the week: Find 10 minutes everyday this week to play the Guild.

...Smile today could be your last.

Ok…It’s been a crazy month. Like, I don’t know how to put it into words. I have been overwhelmed by the on goings in my life. I guess I should start with Cooper, since that is where I left off…

Cooper was born on May 23, 2008 just after midnight. It was a Thursday, rolling into Friday. He weighed 8 lbs. 2 oz. It was a freaking miracle. Unbelievable. It truly is an indescribable event. It’s like something out of an alien movie when you think about it. I mean, here this thing is growing inside of your wife for the better part of a year, and then out it comes, and now you are responsible for him. Amazing.

When Cooper was born, Wendy was in some pain, and was bleeding, a lot. I was torn too, because I didn’t know where to go. I mean, here is this beautiful baby boy that I want to say ‘hello’ to, but my wife is shaking, and miserable. On top of everything else, I am trying to take still pictures and video tape everything as well.

Anyway, the whole process went really great. I just couldn’t be happier that we have a healthy, active little man in our lives. Hard to believe I am someone’s Dad sometimes.

Since the birth, we have had a ton else going on. Yep, we bought a restaurant. We are supposed to close and sign papers this Monday the 30th of June, which is also my Dad’s birthday. We moved into the house on the property a couple of weeks ago. I think we will be ok here for a long while. Wendy and I have moved four times in five years, and I am tired of that shit. Time to get settled and start making some money. At this point, I think we have almost everything the way we want it. With July 1st rolling around fast, we are trying to get every last detail in order. We hung Cooper’s pictures on the wall last night (they are super cool), and painted a bookshelf for him. I think the dogs like the property as well, and my friend Mark is coming out to install an invisible fence on Tuesday. Should be an interesting day all the way around.

So, here’s a little about what we did:

The Rusty Nail sits on 8.1 acres of land on St. Rt. 43 in Kent, Oh. We live in a five bedroom apartment (2 ½ bath), which is attached to the restaurant. The restaurant looks really nice inside, and Wendy and I can’t wait to adapt our flare into the menu, and get a later crowd in. We hope and think that there is a market for a bar that will be open until 1:00 on the weekends, especially now that Mangiamo is gone (that is sad).

Anyway, in addition to that we now also have a banquet hall, a catering business, and an in-ground pool. Awesome! I can’t believe this is all happening. I hope that Wendy is happy doing this, because it will be her full time job. I know she can handle it. I have faith and believe in my wife.

So, on top of moving, the new baby, taking over a business, and trying to get the rental property’s squared away for the upcoming year, we are and have been very, very busy. Oh yeah, did I mention that I still work full time…ha!

I dig it though, and I keep telling people that I am going to be retired at 45. They just laugh at me and tell me “That’s what I thought too.”, but you watch, I will do it! Motivation is a powerful tool.

Hope all is well…

Smile…Today could be your last.

Well, we checked into the hospital yesterday (Wed) at 4:00. On the drive, we took a few phone calls about the rental property. That tells you something about the type of woman Wendy is…On her way to the hospital, and still thinking about our lives. She’s great, and I think my respect for her will grow exponentially over the next few hours.

Anyway, we got all checked in over at the prenatal unit about 4:30 or so. We watched a little TV and my parents showed up around 7:00. They brought us chocolate covered pretzels, and my Mom also brought with her a couple of stuffed animals and a plaque that hung in my room when I was a kid. That will be neat to have that in Cooper’s room.
Kristen showed up after Ky and Kade’s (Cotton Candy’s j/k) baseball game, around 9:00. She brought me a Swenson’s cheeseburger and an onion ring. Not just one, but a whole order. (That was a joke).
At about 12:00 we turned the light off and tried to get some sleep. I did fall asleep in a recliner, and Kristen pushed three chairs together to form her bed. I think I finally fell asleep about 1:30 or so, and by the time I woke up my neck and back and legs were killing me. I was hurting. I gathered a sheet and made a little bed on the floor. Wasn’t comfortable at all, but it certainly was better than that crappy plastic recliner. I think somehow between Wendy, Kristen, and I we managed to get a full night’s sleep.
On to today…
This morning, they woke us up about 6:30. Wendy got right in the shower, and soon after they moved us to the delivery unit. We have been hanging out all day (it’s now 3:15 PM) waiting for Wendy’s cervix to dilate. I got to do a little dance in the shower, and when I got out, they wanted to get the epidural put in. Sandy and I went down to the cafeteria, where I got some chicken tenders. When we came back, Wendy was sleeping and Kristen had straightened up the room. Not too long after (about ½ hour or so) the team came in and broke Wendy’s water. The doctor said that she is now about 2 cm dilated. That is good news.
And so, that is where we stand. We are all nervous, anxious, and excited. Above all, we are excited. Well, I guess I shouldn’t speak for everyone, but I sure am excited.

What a crazy world. Gas prices are out of control ($3.59 a gallon or more), rice and food costs are up (scary buying a restaurant right now), everything is out of control. Basically, it’s too expensive to be alive! Even when you are dead, someone is paying for you to have a funeral and commit you to the Earth. Amazing! They have already figured out how to get rich by selling bottled water, I am predicting that oxygen bars are the next big thing to explode. I hear they are already huge out west…they are heading this way. We will be paying to drink clean water, and breathe clean air. Sad.

Anyway, I have set my goal of retirement to be at 45 years old. That gives me 15 years to earn a massive amount of money. I can do it, I know I can. Everyone keeps laughing at me when I tell them this. They say, “That’s what we thought too!” Well that’s fine, but mark me down as saying that I am going to do it. It has now been documented.

Wendy and I have been very busy with charity type events lately. We both made it up to the Blues Brother’s Brigade spaghetti dinner last week (April 24th) at ST. John’s social hall. It was a fun night, although we were a little disappointed with the amount of money we raised (about $5,000). I know, I know, you’re thinking that’s good! And it is, just compared to the $11,000 we raised last year, it was a bit disappointing. Still, it is something to be proud of.

We also held our 2nd Annual poker tournament on the 26th of April. Only had about 38 players compared to the 60+ the first couple of years. (This is the 2nd Annual, but the 3rd overall-if that makes any sense?) Wendy finished 4th and I was very proud of her.

Anyway, I think the bottom line is that people are struggling right now. Prices of just about everything are inflated, and people are living frugally. That’s ok, and smart, but it doesn’t help when you are trying to raise money for charity.

Finally, we are so super excited to be having our baby within the next 3 weeks. I have not written much about him (yet). I say that because I'm sure that I will want to write about the "Coop" everyday. I can't wait to hold you.

...By the way, you will be a Brown's fan.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Wendy had her third and final baby shower this past Sunday April 20th. It also happened to be my birthday. The boys hung out in the basement, while the women all ooohed and awwwed over the little socks, and tiny blankets. I had to go up and take some abuse for a while, but really Wendy (and I) have great friends and a great support system. We are truly lucky and blessed. We got lots of good stuff that the baby can use for a long time to come. Sandy bought me a neon guitar for the baby’s room. I thought it was neat.

So, I decided on Sunday that I am going to try to grow out my goat-tee. My friend Joe G. competed in 2007 at the beard and moustache championships.

Here is a little about them…

Beard Team USA competes for the United States at the biennial World Beard and Moustache Championships. In doing so, our primary goal is to promote the worldwide appreciation of beards and moustaches. Other goals include making the United States competitive in the WBMC, promoting and publicizing the WBMC, facilitating the attendance of members and others at the championships, having fun, and making new friends from our own and other countries.

Joe competed at the world championships held in Brighton, England in 2007. He took 4th place in his category. If you are interested you can visit their website:

http://beardteamusa.org/index.html

Here is a picture of Joe:

So over the next several months I will attempt to document the growth of my goat-tee (or partial beard as they refer to it). The next championships is May 23rd, 2009 in Anchorage, Alaska. What a great reason to get to see Alaska. I did notice that there is a Pennsylvania State beard and moustache championship in Oil City, PA. Perhaps I’ll try attending this one and see what happens. I’ll have to let Joe know about it.

…I’m interested to see how long it takes Wendy to get mad and tell me to shave. I hinted that I am in “training” but I don’t think she has taken me seriously yet.

I’ll keep you posted.

Smile…today could be your last.

I have a ton of work to do today, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to get these pictures posted. I took off this morning from work at around 11:00, and met Wendy at the hospital. Her appointment was at 11:20. We sat in the waiting room until about 11:40 (she peed twice).

I can’t believe the pictures that they can take these days. The 3-D image is simply amazing. Wendy and I were just speechless. Amazing.

As of Monday (4/14/08) Cooper weighs 5 lbs. 5ozs. The doctor says that he is right where he needs to be and that everything looks good. He is in the upper 58 percentile as far as his weight goes. The doctor expects him to be about 9 lbs. when he is born. He also expects him to stay in there for pretty much the entire term.

Cooper’s arms are behind his head and his feet were up by his mouth.

I think you will come about a week early. My prediction is that your birthday will be on May 18th. Ok, I guess that is not a full week early, but early nonetheless.

These are Built to Spill lyrics that remind me of being a baby…

”Living in the womb. Running out of room. Have to come out soon. Have to meet the sun and moon and…”

Here is Wendy and Dr. Stewart. (I think it's funny that his name is Jon Stewart.)

Smile...today could be your last.

I just got done watching a lecture by one of the most inspiring people I have ever seen. Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon has terminal cancer and has shared his story and inspired millions by his last lecture. I will say nothing more than the fact that this is truly inspirational. I have never been moved like this by a lecture before after ten years of college. Check it out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Watching Professor Pausch’s lecture has inspired me to create a list of things that I want to do before I die. Having cancer myself, I realize that life is short and precious. So here goes...

1) Earn doctorate
2) Coach football
3) Teach PE in a gymnasium
4) Ride my scooter all day long with no agenda
5) Learn to play classical guitar
6) Learn to play the piano
7) Learn a foreign language
8) Meet Ben Stein
9) Own multiple businesses
10) Take my Dad fishing
11) Travel with my wife
12) Write and record music
13) Leave my family financially stable
14) Finally, and most importantly, I cannot wait to teach my son about life.

I’m sure that I have others. And I’m sure that there are some things on this list that I will not accomplish. Some of the things on the list are very vague. For instance “travel” does not say much. I need to leave this country. I need to see first hand how others live, and try to become part of that culture for even a week or so. This one is important to me.

I also need to learn to play the guitar. My brother left me three beautiful guitars which I need to get into. I have been playing a little, but my skills still leave much to be desired. I can do better.

I cannot wait to become a Dad. I want to teach my son all about what is important in life. There is nothing more important. Enough said.

Every day is precious, and you have to have fun.

Smile…today could be your last.

At this point in my life, I don't think there are many "cancer remedies" that I haven't heard about. The real answer is nobody knows.

I would like to think that if we cut fast food out of our diets, and stopped putting our plastic bottles in the freezers that cancer would just go away. But I think we can say with some certainty that this is not the case.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I was 28, and I like to think I was in pretty good shape. I watched my diet (to some extent), lifted weights, rode my bike, ran, etc... I had an overweight, out of shape teacher growing up, and I always told myself that being a PE teacher that I had to practice what I preach. Nobody feels like exercising all the time, but I did it, and it's what drove me. Unfortunately for me, I still got cancer.

Now considering that I had just watched my brother die a year earlier of Leukemia, I was in amazement, shocked, and stunned. The doctor's told me that my cancer is in no way linked to that of my brother, but I to this day do not believe that. I am still waiting for a researcher to approach me about doing a study, because the chances of two brothers getting cancer before they turn 30 have to be astronomical.

In essence, I think that it does not matter what type of milk you drink, or how many milligrams of chocolate per day you consume. The key to everything in life seems to be moderation. And even then, people will still get cancer. However, there are always exceptions to the rule. Ever meet somebody that has been smoking 2 or 3 packs a day for 50 years? Or the person that drinks 8 diet cokes, or 24 beers, or eats 3 squares of burger king and is 300 lbs. overweight? None of these things are healthy. But to answer the question of why some of these people get cancer and others do not, is to this point uncomprehensible.

It has to all go back to genetics. Yes, it is true that we all have cancer causing agents in our bodies. And it is also true that we are all exposed to different things in the environment. So, then is it our environment that triggers these cancer genes to surface in the form of tumors? Not an easy question to answer.

It is my belief that the truth is that cancer is a combination of environment and genetics. Cancer cannot exist and flourish without both. Much like a mold growing on a sandwich, the conditions have to be just right.

In conclusion, I do not believe that we can change how cancer effects us in our lives...at least not right now. Our technology is not great enough. If you are unfortunate, as my family was, to have cancer in your life, it is just bad timing. Much like polio killed hundreds of thousands of people in the 30's, 40's, and 50's, we are just soldiers of bad luck. Stuck in a time that is fighting for a cure. We have made great strides in the last few decades with cancer treatments. While we are on the right track, but it could be a while.

Smile...today could be your last.