How cute is Mr. Knox. These are great photos. You are so strong and alert. I know that you are going to be tough as nails. You can't let adversity stop you...ever.

I got the orangatang for you the day after we went to the zoo. I saw him, and had to have it. Especially after how close we got to him. It was almost like he understood our families pain. So, when you look at the orangatang, remember to be forgiving and understanding towards people...life is too short to hold grudges.

Smile, today could be your last.

Earlier this week our family went to the zoo. It was cool to see the reaction on Coop's face as we walked from exhibit to exhibit. Knox is still too young to really understand, although he hardly fussed at all during the trip. I will get a video posted soon...for now here are a couple pics. Thursday Coop and I went sledding. He had fun, but didn't like wearing his gloves. It was an experience I will not forget.


Smile, today could be your last.

Tonight, I showed Wendy how to use this blog. She is not stupid...just way better at dealing with people than computers.

Smile, today could be your last.

Took Coop over to Towner's Woods last night. We sat on the park bench and looked out over a frozen lake. I held his hand to and from the car because the paths were iced over. He makes me smile.





It is amazing to me how Coop is beginning to say small sentences. We were playing basketball in the banquet hall, and I shot and missed. Coop immediately said, "He missed it." Sandy and I just looked at each other in disbelief.


Here is a short vid from about two weeks ago. It too, makes me smile...




Smile, today could be your last.

Another video that I have been working on...this one, about our tattoo's.



Smile, today could be your last.

Just finished this short bowling movie from last weekend...



Smile, today could be your last.

After getting off to a slow start, Wendy and I made it to The Cleveland Clinic. As I sit here in "the chair of death" I can only hope and pray that the drugs do their job, and I have lucky enough to be given another 5 years of life. If we can just get there, I know we can go beyond. Baby steps.

Anyway, they have accessed the port, and are just waiting on some of the drugs. Wendy went down to get some food and charge her phone. I popped three nausea pills and one for diarrhea (isn't cancer fun?), and am now sitting here watching some bad re-runs of Home Improvement.

One of the hardest things for me during the chemo process is not being able to take a shower. Wendy will vouch for me when I say that I take at least one shower every day. Sometimes more. It made me laugh today because Dr. Kim has another Dr. working with him. She appears to be Russian...heavy accent and all. By the "and all" part, I mean that she stinks. Like when she is in the room your eyes close a little bit, and your nose hairs become cinged. Funny and sad. More on the stinky Dr. and chemo later...

Anyway, we had a great weekend. Friday we went out for Rich's birthday. Spent the night at On Tap in Fairlawn. It was fun to watch all kinds of drunk people try to sing karaoke. On the way home, Wendy and I sang some Vampire Weekend tunes, and pulled into the Nail to hang out with a few employees. I had a couple more drinks, and when the Glen Hansard came on, Wendy and I slow danced in the restaurant right at the bar. I asked her to help me create memories for our kids. We went to bed that night with smiles on our faces. It was a great night, and one I will cherish always.

Saturday, Wendy worked and I just layed low. Flipped channels between the Cavs game, and some bad movie with George Clooney.

Sunday, we had our bowling party for the Nail. It was great to hang out. We drank some beers, rolled some frames, and laughed. I even had the highest average (out of the 3 games) and won the side pot...Woo Hoo! Cooper went along with us, and I was proud to help him roll his first ball down the lane. It was definitely an experience I will not forget.

Sunday night, Wendy and I hopped in the car and drove to the Pittsburgh casino. I don't have any luck...but Wendy hit a couple of good ones. She is always luckier than I am when it comes to slot machines.

Monday, didn't do much. We slept in until noon because we didn't go to bed until 5:30 AM. Got up, made some coffee, gave Coop a bath. Aunt Kim and Katie took Coop to get his hair cut, and when we came back, we all got ready for pictures. We drove out to Ralph's house. Ralph was the photographer that captured our wedding. He is a bit strange, but a nice man. On the way home, Wendy was craving Hibachi. So, we stopped in the falls for a bite. We were worried a little about Cooper, because it was already getting late, but he handled himself like an old pro, and didn't make a fuss once.

That was the weekend in review. I hope that I am fortunate enough to continue to make new memories with my family. They mean everything.

Smile, today could be your last.

Don't know if I mentioned it in the earlier post but I got the port put in my chest this morning. Came home, ran the snow plow, and put a new faucet on the sink in the bathroom. I'm not the toughest person in the world, but sometimes you have to clench your teeth and suck it up. Got a great (although short) vid of Knox tonight. Wanted to share it:



Smile, today could be your last.

It was a long weekend. Friday, Wendy and Kristen and I made a trip up to the Cleveland Clinic to meet with Dr. Kim. He was a nice man. You could tell he was way too smart for his own good and struggled within himself to speak in terms so that the everyday average person could understand. I'm guessing that he also got made fun of a lot by other students in grade school, but it is usually these people who amount to the most successful adults. Funny how that works.

Anyway, it was crazy how we left there and he said that people have made mistakes before (referring to my cancer diagnosis). He agrees with the last 20 doctors that have looked at the pathology reports and the CT slides...the nodules in my lungs look like infection, not cancer. Wendy and Kristen were disgusted with Dr. Payne, because (according to Dr. Kim) perhaps more action (surgery) could have been taken if we would have done something months ago. So, until he confirms it as well, I am going to pray for some weird infection, however, I know that is not the reality of the situation.

After leaving the Clinic, we went to Benihana's, a Japanese steakhouse. I had been craving sushi for a week. The next day woke up to fluids coming out of every orfice in my body, not to mention the fever, the chills, and the total lack of energy. I was so tired, Wendy had to put my socks on for me. Not even Chemotherapy compared to what I felt like on that day.

Anyway, Costley Ct. played on Sat. night. I missed the whole thing because of food poisoning or some weird intestinal virus. Oh well. My Mom is not feeling well today, and says that she has what I had, but I feel better just 24 hours later...so we'll see. When I got up the next day Coop and I went over to the restaurant becuase a few of our friends spent the night, which was very cool.

Here is a great vid I took of Coop dancin' the night away on Friday night...
*Note the one shoe missing


Me and Mr. Knox...


Smile, today could be your last.

Last night I had the pleasure of taking my son to his cousin Ky's basketball game. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't believe how fast Ky is growing up...or Coop for that matter. Cooper is starting to say some small sentences, although he hardly ever says his own name. Maybe he is just that humble...? I hope that is the man that you grow up to be, putting others before yourself. Remember, I'm watching.


Anyway, I had a lot of fun at the game. I hope that as Coop and Knox grow up they keep sports in perspective. I love sports as much as the next guy, but there are way more important things in life. I know that your Uncle Kevin will push you to do the best that you can (he should)...but just be sure to keep him grounded him from time to time. Athletics are great, but are not the end all. It's amazing to me that over the last few years, how something that used to mean so much to me, has very little meaning in my life. Although, I'm sure that cancer has much to do with that.

It's amazing how if you open your eyes to the world, you can learn new things all the time. Knox is only 2 1/2 months old, and he teaches me things all the time. Like just yesterday Knox reminded me the importance of smiling (something I end these blogs with as a reminder to myself), and how that warmth and energy can be transferred to one human to the next. It's a simple thing, but if you don't take time to pay attention to it, you'll miss it.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, my mind is just a clutterd mess right now:
Anyway, I was talking with Wendy about cancer, and the more that I reflect on our conversation the more that something that I said struck a funny chord with me.
I told her that, "Cancer is not all bad."

The more I think about that, the more I think that it is true. Now, do I have a chronic disease that will eventually kill me?...Yes. Could there be anything sadder then two little boys losing their Father?...No. But look at it from another angle. A perspective that I have been trying to adopt over the last couple of weeks.
Our tenant called to wish Wendy and me well. His Mom is going through breast cancer...so he understands. A teacher at work told me that whatever I need, he is there for me. Even offered to help with a remedy for nausea. Another co-worker offered to help with some of my work load. My Mom and Dad have been wonderful with the boys, staying up late, and getting up early. My wife is now more than ever pushing hard to get things in order with the house, my doctor's appointments, and our lives in general. DB helps plow the parking lot at The Nail. Sandy and Dave have done more than we could have ever asked for at the restaurant over the last 6 months. I could go on. I feel love from all over. Everyone wants to help. There is good in everything. You just have to peel back enough layers to see it.

I better get back to work...I have been avoiding it.

Smile, today could be your last.

I can't believe I never posted this video of Coop. I guess I always told myself that I would get around to it later. Here's to later:




Smile, today could be your last.

I can't think about work right now...I have been sitting at my desk for the last 3 hours, and have hardly done anything. All I can think about is the short time that I have left. What am I going to do with this time? What would you do? It's funny because when you read thoughts from other people their responses are things like, "I would travel." or..."I would max out my credit cards"...or "I would eat anything I wanted". I wonder if any of these people are actually dying. Doubt it.

Anyway, I've spent the last 2 hours reading much of a blog from an Australian women who was actually dying from bowel cancer. It offered me some real insight as to what someone else's thoughts were. Very real. Very sad. Very heart-warming, and heart-breaking. As you read, you find yourself wanting to help Jack, her 7 year old son. That is the same way I feel about Coop and Knox. I can't help them. I can't even explain to them what is happening. I suppose they are getting a life lesson in death. Is that ironic? Anyway, each of our lives is different, and I suspect that God has a plan for the two of them.

If you are interested in shedding a couple of tears, the link is below. But, I'll warn you that once you start reading, it's hard to stop.

thecomfyplace.blogspot.com

Smile, today could be your last.

Every time I look at my children, my heart breaks. I am constantly whispering in their ears things like, "I love you." and "You can do anything you want in this world." What scares me more than dying, is that they are too young to remember me and our time together. So, my biggest priority in the remaining time that I have, is to create and document memories with them...BRB, my Mom is in the banquet hall, and I have to go get that video of Coop dancing.


Best I could do on short notice. He didn't want to cooperate. LOL!

I love you Coop.

Smile...today could be your last.

Great to see all of my friends on New Year's day. All in all a pretty good day. Buckeyes beat the Ducks (sorry Coop I know you were rooting for them- Ducka, Ducka, Ducka), it was Rhodes' birthday, and than finished the night at Kristen's and Kevin's for a movie.

Earlier in the day Coop and my Dad and I went over to the banquet hall to blow off some steam. We threw the ball with Harley, and when I turned the music on Coop started dancing by himself on the dance-floor. I will get video of this soon...cute as hell.

My heart is breaking tonight. I am sad.
...But rather than sit here and think about it, I am going upstairs to hang out with the wife. Words cannot describe how I feel about her, and our situation.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Well...Met with Dr. Payne today. Prognosis in my opinion is not good. Wendy and Kristen came with me to meet with the nursing staff (hey Kristen- you made the blog...hooray!). It sounds like Wendy has been telling people otherwise, but I think it's just to keep them optimistic.

I hate to be negative but in looking at the statistics for metastasized cancer, it appears that at state IV, you are about a 10% chance to survive 5 years. That is quite a scary statistic. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. My life is so good to me. I have two boys that I would do anything for, a wonderful wife, a terrific job, a great business, and tremendous support from everywhere. I am lucky. I am thankful.

I am however not dying today. I think that in the days to come, that I have a real chance to communicate with Coop and Knox even after I am gone. So, for that I am grateful as well.

I often try to answer this question,(especially now being diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time), "what would you do with your life if you knew your time was limited?" Hard to come up with much, especially when your funds are limited. What I want the most, is for Coop, and Knox, to know that no matter what, I am with them.

If you have just scored a touchdown...I am with you. If you just fumbled in the 4th quarter...I am with you. If you just made honor roll...I am with you. If you just got your first "F"...I am with you. If you just received an award from school...I am with you. If you just got detention...I am with you. If you just got in trouble with the cops (uh-oh), I am with you. If the community just recognized you...I am with you. If you just loved someone who broke your heart...I am with you. If you just found the love of your life...I am with you. If you just fell apart for no reason what-so-ever...I am with you. And if you just re-discovered yourself...I am with you.

I may not always be here physically, but trust me, I am watching you, I am with you. Open your heart, I am there. Close your eyes at night, I am there.

Each and every New Year's (Coop, Knox, & Wendy)I love you!!!

Smile...today could be your last.

"There is the way things should be, and then there are the way they are." Not the prettiest saying in the world, but very true. I told that to Wendy today. She cried. I am too numb to cry. I really never cried much. I just think that there is something bigger than all of us really going on.

Got up today and met with Dave Waller, Wendy and Chuck. Went over the menu for the Nail. Talked about what changes we wanted to make and how to maximize profits.

Then went to go help Sandy move. I have been trying to get over there for a couple of weeks, but it has been tough with the holidays, and the kids, and the job(s).

On the way back, Jack (who was also helping Sandy move) got a flat tire on the trailer. I came back to the Nail, and unloaded Sandy's stuff. Got a phone call from Wendy that the snow plow (a '92 Suburban) wasn't running right. Guy that DB knows is out fixing it right now.

Shelby, and her kids (Sammy and Amelia) came over tonight. They all exchanged presents for a while. Good to see Cooper interact with other kids. He is a little rough right now though, and does not know his own strength (look out Knox).

Hmmmm...What else? Oh yeah...

Wendy said to me..."I need to show you something in the banquet hall." We went out into the office. She told me that Dr. Payne called her back, and told her that the nodules in my lung are indeed cancer.

I love you Coop...



I love you Knox...


Smile...today could be your last.

Life can be scary. Went to see Dr. Payne today (best Oncologisgt ever), and she told me that they found a new lung nodule. That makes three now. Nobody seems to be sure what the hell is going on with that. She said it doesn't appear to be cancer, but scheduled a CT lung biopsy to be sure. I have follow-up appointments with Dr. Payne and Dr. Kretchmer in January.

I hate to be negative, but I get the feeling like my body just doesn't want to be here. I do not know the best thing to do. Working out, eating right, and getting enough sleep didn't seem to do much for me. So, perhaps I should just eat what I want, do what I want, and not worry about it. The older I live through this thing, that's my attitude more and more. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Life and death issues, life and death. Well, I guess you haven't lived until you get told by the doctor that you are a coin flip to survive. Pretty eye opening: sobering to say the least. Dr. Payne told me that I was now three years out. That's encouraging. Minus these lung nodules, I suppose life is good.

I have Cooperman, and Mr. Knox, and the best wife ever. She puts up with my laziness. She puts up with my nonchelant attitude. She keeps me sane and makes me insane at the same time (now that's love). Honestly, to you Wendy- You are the best. And whether I am sick or healthy, a couldn't be prouder to be your husband. Keep loving, keep listening, and keep your head up. Life moves quick, but Wendy moves quicker. You can never tell Wendy "you can't do that". And that my friend, is what makes her special. She finds a way to get things done. She is by all accounts, a "doer". Wendy has a gorgeous personality...and she is gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?



Look at how beautiful you are.

*Note the hand on the boob. I get the last laugh...lol.

...Smile, today could be your last.

Been a while...My apologies first to Knox. I already know what you are thinking..."What my birth doesn't rate high enough on your list of things going on to warrant a blog post?" In fact, it is just the opposite. I have been trying to get here and do this for so long, it has just been difficult. Not sleeping, not eating right, playing catch up everywhere...it takes it's toll. Sorry Knox... Anyway, your birth was such a success. It was amazing. I wasn't sure how it would feel compared with Coop. But it was just as amazing the second time around. I can remember standing there when they were weighing you, looking at Wendy. We just simply smiled at each other. It was one of those little moments in life where no words were necessary. We could have tried to say something, but it wouldn't have mattered. Because there are no words that could possibly express the amount of happiness that we both felt at that moment in the delivery room. You (and Coop) are the most precious thing in our lives. Here is a video of the first moment that you met your big brother. It still makes me feel (I can't find the right adjective)...amazing.



Also wanted to add a couple of other things...This song reminds me of you Knox. It is the most beautiful song that I have heard in a long time. Much like when you came along. (The Commander Thinks Aloud written by John Roderick of The Long Winters- Note: You may have to view in Firefox.)
I think that this song is about the space shuttle Columbia. Still it reminds me of everything that is good in life. Trying your best. Believing in yourself. Seeing the bigger picture. Being yourself. Reaching for the sun. Not giving up, no matter what. It also reminds me of how fragile life is. You can do powerful things with your energy, your time, your effort. Be wise.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I get so tired of reading pointless articles on the internet. It is more evident than ever that the world revolves around money. So, here is my article on the swine flu.

7 things to do (or not to do) to avoid getting the swine flu.

1) Don't lick the bottom of anyone's shoes...If you do this, you may pick up some of the bacteria that has been going around. For instance, sometimes people pee and miss in the men's room at the urinal. Someone has stepped in this, so be careful not to lick the bottom of shoes. It's not good. If you happen to lick the bottom of someone's shoe, see step 2.
2) Don't drink till you pass out...You may not sleep well. This lack of quality sleep, coupled with the weakening of your immune system, could result in the ineffectiveness of the body's natural defense systems. So, until further notice, drink a lot, but not until you pass out. If you think you have been infected with the Swine Flu, I would recommend 6-8 shots of Jim Beam nightly, for at least 2 months. The alcohol will help to kill off any bacteria floating around in your system. Be careful though, as you don't want to over-do it. When you start to see two bartenders you have effectively killed the H1N1 virus.
3) Avoid watching Cleveland Browns football...This will just make you angry and therefore more susceptible to infection. The angrier you are, the more susceptible you become. If you happen to watch a Cleveland Browns football game, you may want to drink the 6-8 shots of Jim Beam. It will help you deal with the reality of the Browns ineptness.
4) Wash your hands after you poop...You should wash your hands often and thoroughly. Recently, at a Bob Evans in Marietta Oh., I saw a sign that said you should sing Old McDonald while you wash your hands. Interesting tactic. The people at Bob Evans should be proud. What would Jerry Seinfeld's say here: "Who are these people at Bob Evans that need to be reminded to wash their hands?"
5) Try exercising...While you might not like it at first (it's much more fun to drink till you pass out), you may find this to be enjoyable after a while. In addition, you will find that your immune system will deal with you licking the bottoms of shoes much better. If you happen to watch a Cleveland Browns football game, you can take your anger out on the dumbells. Throw in a couple of shots of Jim Beam, and you will find stregth that you didn't know you had.
6) Don't cough or sneeze on other people...Sometimes we can't help but sneeze or cough on your neighbor. Try to avoid this. It will help if you cover your mouth, or sneeze into the crook of your elbow. This is a best practice, and should be followed. Bodily fluids are a personal thing and should be contained to the individual that they came from. If you are exposed to someone's bodily fluids, you may want to wash your face with bleach, and then take down a couple of shots of Jim Beam.
7) Stay home if you feel ill...If you feel like you are starting to get sick, stay home from work. Do not panic, it is perhaps not the Swine Flu, but could be something else, such as lack of motivation. Immediately crack open a bottle of Jim Beam to help kill whatever it is that ails you. You will feel better soon.

If you follow these steps, you are well on your way to preventing the Swine Flu from infecting you and your family. If you don't feel like you are getting sick, you may want to crack open a bottle of Jim Beam anyway, because avoiding the Swine Flu is a lifestyle.

...Smile, today could be your last.

I hate people that spend their lives bitching and moaning and complaining about things. But today, I am super pissed off at Major League Baseball. And since this is really my only outlet, I'm going to let it fly:


You've got to be fucking kidding me about baseball and Bud Selig. I did a little bit of homework on Mr. Selig, because I wanted to get my facts straight before I ranted. Let it be known that you Mr. Bed Selig were heart-broken when your beloved baseball team moved out of Milwaukee. So much so, that you started a company; Teams Inc., so that baseball teams could not move to a larger market, where there was more revenue to be made.

News flash Bud Selig...the same thing is happening today. Only it's not the teams that are moving, it's the players.

What good is having a farm system, and bringing up talent in a small market, only to have them go to another large market team after they reach star status? You need to re-think this, before you lose more fans, and control of baseball. You need to remember that there are loyal fans around the country, and not just in New York, or Los Angeles. How are teams like the Indians or the Orioles supposed to compete with $200 million dollar payrolls? What a joke!

Ask yourself this question Mr. Selig: What will your biggest moment be? Steroids in baseball? Implementing a wild-card (which I am in favor of)? Changing what the outcome of the all-star game means (which sucks!). Right now, you will be remembered for doing nothing of importance. Nothing with real back-bone.

The fans urge you Mr. Selig, to do something meaningful with the game of baseball, before it's too late. I am sick to my stomach watching talented Cleveland Indians players depart, because it is the only way that small market teams can compete. Would Cleveland still have Manny Ramirez and Jim Thome?...and just how good would the Indians be if they could have kept Victor Martinez, Cliff Lee, CC Sabathia, Manny Ramirez, and Jim Thome?

Both CC Sabathia, and Cliff Lee pitched last night for their new teams. CC Sabathia pitched 7 strong innings...Cliff Lee pitched a 6 hitter...both got the win for their teams. Martinez plays tonight for Boston. It would be a pretty safe bet to say that one of these players will hoist the trophy when October's over. What complete Bullshit. I hate the system, and now I am starting to hate you Selig, because you are not doing anything about it.
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THIS NOW!

Baseball is beautiful. Especially October baseball. Trying to anticipate what is going to happen next. Re-thinking specific situations, where after every pitch some variable is different. It is the purest game in the world. But it is being tarnished by big market baseball, and it has to come to a breaking point. Right now, baseball payrolls are totally out of control. Take a look at the following payroll analysis and make up your own mind.
The top 10 payrolls in baseball for the 2009 season:
Yankees: $201 million
Mets: $135
Cubs: $135
Red Sox: $122
Tigers: $115
Angles: $113
Phillies: $113
Astros: $102
Dodgers; $100
Mariners: $98
Bottom 10 payrolls in baseball for the 2009 season:

Reds: $70 million
Royals: $70
Rangers: $68
Orioles: $67
Twins: $65
Rays: $62
A's: $62
Nationals: $59
Pirates: $48
Padres: $42
Marlins: $36

If one doesn't see the correlation between payroll and quality of baseball, then perhaps you are a mental midget. All the good players go to the big market teams, single-handedly destroying baseball.

Of the top 10 teams based on payroll, five of ten teams made the playoffs (and one had a one game play-off as the Tigers lost to the Twins).

Of the bottom 10 teams based on payroll, one out of ten teams made the playoffs (Twins in the one game playoff).

See a pattern here. Money does indeed dictate winning over the course of a 162 game season. Does money guarantee a World Series ring? No. Does it help give you a better shot? Absolutely.
As we have seen in the past, there are teams now and again that fall in the bottom third of the payroll category, and come close to winning it all (such as last year's Devil Rays). But on a grand scale this is the exception, not the rule.

It is not too late to put the change in place now that we need to ensure that our children's children will grow up with competitive baseball. Our beloved American past-time is being corrupted by greed and outrageous out of control spending. You have to make this game fair across the board, and there is only one way to do this. You have to cap salaries Mr. Selig.
Cliff Lee, Victor Martinez, and Manny Ramirez belong in Cleveland. Mark Texiera belongs in Texas. Matt Holliday belongs in Colorado. Jason Bay belongs in Pittsburgh.

Over time, I think you will see the popularity and ratings of baseball withering away.

But until baseball and Bud Selig "grows a set" and stands up for what is right- I'm tuning out this October, and you can take that to the bank Selig and Steinbrenner.